Would a Break in Parenting Help a Prospective Birth Parent?

Here is the scenario. My mother is a foster parent to teenage girls. I talked her into fostering when my father died about 10 years ago to keep her busy and provide her with companionship. Obviously, since she only parents teenage girls, many are now adults. She told me this morning that an older sister, around 25, has given birth to a healthy baby girl about four hours from where we live. The father, a boyfriend, isn’t helping, nor is he interested in parenting. The mother of the baby told her sisters that she is thinking about placing the baby for adoption. My mother asked me if I would be interested in another baby.

What I have learned here at adoptionblogs.com is that many birthparents later regret placing their babies. They have trouble seeing past their present situation, the pregnancy, their age, parenting alone. Within a few years, most have their lives in order and realize they really could have parented their child. A decision made when feeling desperate cannot be changed down the road.

There was a time when I would have jumped on such an opportunity. However, we now have 10 children who are legally ours. We have others who consider us parents whom we fostered but didn’t adopt. Nearly two years ago, we went the private adoption route and have a beautiful daughter now.

We are quite used to caring for other people’s children though. In 14 years of fostering, we have provided temporary care to nearly 100 children. Because we already have many children, and two beautiful granddaughters whom I baby-sit for three days a week, we don’t need to try to talk someone into placing their baby with us.

However, what I can do is offer to take her baby for a few weeks while she figures out what she wants to do. We have extra cribs, baby clothes, baby swing, and car seats from our years of foster care. I am hoping this will give her time to access her situation without making a drastic, life changing decision. If she decides to place, I know of a few Christian agencies, run by Christian women who could assist her in finding a family willing to have an open adoption.

Would you have accepted such an offer? Would it have given you time to figure things out and make a better choice. Would it have alleviated your desperation? My mother is going to call her tonight to make the offer for us to go and pick up the baby. What is exciting is that my former foster children, whom I still love, and tried to adopt, live in the same city. There were adopted by the family who adopted their three older siblings and we have maintained contact. They are always asking when we can come and visit. Therefore, if we go to pick up the baby, I’m hoping to see them as well.

Photo Credit: 2006 Julia Fuller.

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