Adoptive Parenting, Child Parenting - Working Through Anger About Adopted Child's Health Issues

01/23/08

Working Through Anger About Adopted Child's Health Issues

Posted by : Faith Allen in Adoptive Parenting Blog at 05:08 am , 558 words, 448 views
Categories: Special Needs

As I shared in my last two posts, Medicating the Adopted Child for ADHD and Frustration With Medicating the Adopted Child for ADHD, I have been facing the struggles of medicating my adopted child for Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Even though I tried every other alternative I could think of to avoid medicating him, nothing worked, so he is now medicated for his ADHD.

While my son is medicated, things are great. However, the medication has some big side effects (including insomnia and loss of appetite) that are wearing me down as I try to take care of his physical needs while, at the same time, use the medication to help him be successful in his life.

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Whenever a person faces a big challenge in her life, it is normal to feel anger, especially when most of the people in your life do not have to face similar challenges. I have been down this road numerous times with other life experiences. Parenting a child with ADHD is just one more life experience in a long list of life experiences that I have had to face that most people around me have not.

I am angry about this. I know I will push through my anger, just as I always do, but I must first acknowledge that anger exists. I do not want to stuff it all down and deal with it later. I need to deal with it now and process it so it does not fester. One issue I am facing is where to target that anger.

I am angry that his birthmother smoked during her pregnancy because both ADHD and asthma are linked to smoking while pregnant. I am angry that God keeps sending such big challenges my way. Have I not earned my way to at least a year or two off from facing big challenges in my life? I am angry with my son for not being "normal," and I am angry with myself for being angry with him for this. I am angry with myself for losing my patience because I know my son did not choose his health issues and would not have them if he had a choice in the matter. He is the one whose body is experiencing all of these side effects, and yet he is not complaining about them. So, I guess I have a lot of anger to go around.

I know that ultimately there is nobody to blame, and I think that makes it even harder. His birthmother did not know she was pregnant until late in her pregnancy, and she did try to quit smoking after she knew about her birthson's existence. God did not "cause" the ADHD. My son is just a kid who has suffered enough by being "different" and being told 1,000 times to focus on body control when he truly does not have the ability to do so unmedicated.

And then there is the anger toward myself. I am doing the best I can. I have not stopped advocating for this kid. What I am facing is hard, and I do not deserve to feel the wrath of my own anger.

So, I am back to where to direct the anger. Maybe I just need to be angry with a pillow and beat the fool out of it.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

1 comment

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: Sunbonnet Sue [Member]

Key to moving past the anger is acceptance. It's difficult, but at some point, I knew I had to accept my damaged child exactly the way they were, or else I would be rejecting them. I also had to forgive my child, which sounds odd. But I did need to! ADHD is a handicapping condition. It interfered with the dreams I had about who and what my child would be and be able to do.

something else to consider: his ADHD is possibly biological. Although smoking has been linked,it is not a known cause of ADHD. Quite possibly the birth mother was smoking in order to self-medicate her own ADHD symptoms.

Permalink 01/24/08 @ 17:48