Comments on: Why Closed Adoption?

By: Dr. G

Dr. G — Tue, 18 Apr 2006 14:20:36 +0000

Michelle:

I am learning as I continue to read, write and learn here on the Adoption Blogs I have discovered that there are complex issues in all adoptions, not just the closed ones like my own. Thanks for sharing a part of your experience.

By: Michelle Vandepas

Michelle Vandepas — Tue, 18 Apr 2006 04:39:23 +0000

We did an open adoption and let me say that I am finding it much more difficult than I anticipated. The emotitions that come up for me around this are much more complex than I anticipated. I would do open again, but hopefully not live in the same town.

By: Dr. G

Dr. G — Wed, 05 Apr 2006 14:08:34 +0000

Jan, Heather thanks for your comments and for not chewing me out. I’ve been holding my breath on this one. Jan I absolutely agree with you about the easy road not being what’s best for children. But, re-read my post. It is about me, me, me. What was easy…for me. I tried to be honest in writing that I chose closed adoption based on my needs and I went so far as to admit that I put those needs (my own) over the needs of my children. Bad mommy…

By: Jan Baker

Jan Baker — Wed, 05 Apr 2006 05:43:00 +0000

Heather stole my line! That's exactly what I was thinking. Better that you did not "pretend" to go along with an open adoption and then immediately close it soon after it became final. Unfortunately that happens way too often.

I guess I do not believe that the "easy" road is what is always best for children - no drama, no issues to work through etc. What seems "easy" too initially often doesn't turn out to be in the long run.

You were very honest about fear being a motivating factor in your decision to choose a closed adoption. Not too many people will acknowledge that, but, I think it is quite common.

Unfortunately, I believe that we don't do nearly enough to educate people about open adoption. Not enough people understand how to make open adoptions work properly. Nor do they understand how beneficial open adoptions can be for children.

By: Heather Lowe

Heather Lowe — Tue, 04 Apr 2006 21:53:23 +0000

Well, at least you are honest about it!