As an adoptive parent, do you sometimes question which of your child's behaviors stem from your child's adoption and which are simply your child's personality? I find myself wondering this sometimes because I want to be sensitive to helping my child work through any adoption-related issues.

For example, my seven-year-old son is a very confident little guy. He has no problem with going to a new camp at a new location in which he does not know a soul. It does not phase him in the least. By the time I pick him up on the first day, he not only has several new friends but even got to know them well enough to get into mischief together. He is definitely not an insecure kid.

However, he will sometimes get clingy with me when his routine changes. For example, I am the one who drives him to school most days. However, sometimes my husband has to drive right by the school on business, so he will take my son to school instead. I expected that having Daddy drive him to school would be a huge treat, but instead my son got all clingy and insisted that I drive him. When we sent him with his father anyhow, he was upset and made a fuss the whole way to school.

This is not about his relationship with his father because they are close. My son often chooses to ride home with his father if we meet for dinner right after work and come in two cars. However, for some reason, it is important to him that Mommy drives him in the morning. Is this related to the adoption? Or is he just a kid who does not like changes in his routine?

The reason I sometimes I wonder if this is related to his adoption is that he tends to become clingy with me when my husband travels more often. I think he sees me as the constant in his life while he cannot count on Daddy being home every night. I wonder if this triggers abandonment issues from being separated from his birthmother. Perhaps he fears losing another mother.

Or perhaps I am just over-thinking things. He is only seven, and he has always been particularly bonded to me. It is so hard to know when I should be more sensitive about adoption-related issues and when I should just view his behaviors as a normal child.

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Photo Credit: Lynda Bernhardt