Say, that you are an adoptive family. A teenager approaches you for advice. She is barely in high school and confides that she just found out that she is four months pregnant from the school nurse. She has told no one else, doesn’t know who else to ask, and is desperate for advice. What would you tell this teenager? After all, you are an adoptive family with a current homestudy. Would you try to convince her to place with you? Would you give her all of her possible options, including adoption, but not mention your family’s status? Would you mention that your family is approved for adoption but try not to seem pushy?
I was surprised to receive an email from a pregnant teenager asking me for advice. Those questions are usually sent to the birth/first parent or crisis pregnancy bloggers. Then I was even more surprised to get a response from her several days later saying that she had taken my advice and it worked out. Whew! I did really try to be supportive and give her lots of options.
So what did I tell her? My first advice was for her to confide in a parent. I shared with her that my daughter thought I would be very angry when she told me she was pregnant. In fact, I was not angry but supportive. However, even if her parent was angry, the parent could still be supportive. The parent could help her pursue services if she decided to parent her child or assist her in choosing a reputable adoption agency. After all, either choice would require transportation, emotional, and financial support.
I never mentioned being an adoptive family in my response. I did mention that adoption could be a possibility but she would need to research to find a reputable agency to help her. I did not make any suggestions on possible agencies. I indicated that she was probably too far along to consider abortion. I added that many people who choose abortion don’t realize until it is too late that they may deal with guilt for the rest of their lives.
Here is a portion of my actual letter.
You could choose to parent your child; there are many services that will help young mothers if that is something you would like to pursue. If you are not ready to pursue parenting, there are so many parents out there wanting to adopt a newborn. You could ask for whatever kind of parents you want for your child. If you want them to have red hair, glasses, and live on a houseboat, you might be able to find them for your child. If you want visits every 3 months, or letters twice a year, or no contact at all, you can find parents willing to meet your criteria. Most adoptive parents are financial stable and can offer your child the best education, etc. However, you never know, if you are not ready to parent, perhaps your parents, aunts, grandparents, might be willing to help you until you are ready. I would have definitely parented my grandchildren if my daughter needed me to. If your mom and relatives do not want to help you parent, then they can help you select a family to adopt.