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If you have a family pet, then you have a wonderful way to help a younger adopted child understand adoption. The family pet is clearly not blood-related to the other family members, but he is a welcome and beloved member of the family. Such a complex concept as adoption can seem much more simple with a concrete example like the family pet.
I have used our dog to help my son understand why his birthmother would choose to “give him away.” I explained that his birthmother did not give him away. Instead, she wanted my son to have the life that he does, and she chose us to be his parents so he could have this life, even though it made her sad. We then talked about things we would do to make our dog happy even if it made us sad. We agreed that we want our dog to be happy, and we have to make decisions for him about what is best for him.
For example, our dog loves table scraps and gladly eats anything we scrape into his food bowl. However, some of the foods we eat, such as chocolate or onions, are harmful to dogs. So, even though the dog thinks he wants to eat these foods, we have to make decisions for him that will make him unhappy, such as denying him the foods that he really wants to eat. This analogy helps my son see in concrete terms how sometimes adults needs to make decisions for children about what is best for them, even when the children cannot see it.
Our dog also likes to escape from our backyard and wander around the neighborhood. Even though this seems like great fun, my son is old enough to see the danger in our dog possibly getting hit by a car. This experience can help him understand that his adoptive parents and birthparents could see a bigger picture that he could not see. Just as the dog trusts us because he knows that we love him, my son needs to trust that his adoptive parents and birthparents made decisions for him out of love to keep him safe and secure.
Young children have a hard time understanding abstract concepts like adoption, but putting the concepts into concrete terms really helps. Being able to apply a child’s love for his pet to his own adoption can go a long way toward making adoption more understandable to a younger child.
Related Topics:
Talking About Adoption with Children
Photo Credit: Lynda Bernhardt
Well, our journey with Sandy (8yo cockapoo-bichon) this past year has taken us through adoption (by us), short-term placement (during a 2 week family trip), eviction (after getting overexcited and nipping another condo resident), emergency placement (we had 72 hours notice) which became 6-8 weeks, visitation (almost daily from me and kids), and most recently, a longterm foster placement with another family. Sandy has had to adjust to many dogs in the last 2 homes, and now has figured out how to get along with them.
I have found Sandy’s saga to be a good way to talk about adoption and foster care with my kids — one of whom is adopted, but does not want to talk about it. Also, as we have considered becoming foster parents, it has given me more empathy for the many kids who are bounced through the system as if they don’t have any feelings. Even dogs have feelings — how much moreso children, who can recall and understand their losses so much more !! — Rachel