I left a comment earlier this week at the Adoption Search Blog saying that I wanted to continue the dialogue about the use of the word unwanted in referring to the birth circumstances of adopted children. I gave a lot of thought to this because I know that I am one of the offenders.

After reading the post I have made a decision to stop using that language and to start using unplanned instead of unwanted. I've already made the change in fact. I was in a staffing meeting as a consultant yesterday and I deliberately used the term unplanned pregnancy in reference to a young soon-to-be mother.

Perhaps I became comfortable using the phrase unwanted pregnancy because it is something that I could relate to. I imagine if I had ever been 15 and pregnant that the pregnancy would not only have been unplanned but very much unwanted. Heck, I'm 50 and married with three young children, and believe me if I were to become pregnant now it would be very much unplanned and unwanted!

I wonder if my thinking on all of this can in any way be informed by the question of when does life begin? (Oh geez. How did I end up here on this hot button topic?!? Oh well. I'm forging ahead here). I am in the life begins at birth camp. So, in some odd twist of mental gymnastics I think that I can view an unplanned child being born of an unwanted pregnancy; or, if thinking of it from the other perspective, an unwanted pregnancy resulting in an unplanned child.

In the end, all of this cerebral thinking and discussion is all well and good when it remains inside of my head. It doesn't go very far in being practically sensitive to other people's feelings. The bottom line is that it offends and I don't want to do that. So, I'm gonna stop it.

While we're on the topic of terms and phrases that offend, I'll throw in my pet peeve: crack baby. I absolutely hate that term. Hate it. I understand how and why it is used. But, for me it is like nails on the chalkboard every time I hear it. I'm also not in the business of trying to police the way grown folks talk. I think that's just plain silly and offensive in itself. So, I try to set the standard when talking to someone by using the phrase "drug-exposed" instead.

I know that people get fed up with the push towards politically correct language. I feel that way myself a lot of the time. I guess it ultimately comes down to how much we care about one another and what we're willing to do to respect each other's feelings.