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Adoptive Parenting Blog

09/14/07

Traumatized Adopted Child's Need to Purge Emotions

Posted by : Faith Allen in Adoptive Parenting Blog at 05:24 pm , 631 words, 139 views  
Categories: Trauma


Over on the Reactive Attachment blog, Nancy wrote a post entitled Tantruming or purging? in which she described the way she helps her traumatized adopted children purge their painful emotions, including anger. In the comments, mater wrote the following:


The "Catharsis Hypothesis" was destroyed decades ago by researchers who found that encouraging people to act out their anger only made them 1.) angrier and 2.) more prone to act on that anger, i.e. act aggressively.


Isn't is curious that believers in this old "Catharsis Hypotheis" only apply this notion to what might be called negative emotions, such as anger and sadness. They never warn you not to be joyful, lest you lose your happiness.

I believe this message is a very dangerous one that can inflict even more harm on traumatized children. I am not saying this to criticize Mater – I believe her when she says that she got this information from researchers. I take issue with the researchers themselves. I vehemently disagree that encouraging a child to purge his anger is a bad thing.



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I am speaking from my own experience as well as the experience of countless other abuse survivors who have found purging painful emotions to be a very important step in the healing process. To deny traumatized children the opportunity to pour this poison out of their souls is to continue to abuse them by removing their voices.


Traumatized people are given the message that it is not okay to express their emotions, so they bottle up their emotions to their own detriment. Those who repress their rage often struggle with anxiety disorders and/or depression because the anger turns inward when it is not permitted to go outward.


Trauma survivors generally go to one of two extremes – either they repress their anger altogether or they continuously rage. Those who continuously rage often do not express other painful emotions but, instead, turn every painful emotion into rage, such as reacting with anger when they are hurt instead of crying.


Some abuse survivors learn how to shut off all emotions. Those who do generally self-injure, carving their anger and pain onto their bodies because there is no other outlet for their emotions. Other survivors express all painful emotions in only one way. For some, this is through rage; for others, this is through tears. People like this are dumping all of their painful emotions into one emotion. Until they connect back the emotion with the experience that caused it, they will have a continual well of anger or grief that never runs dry.


I used to cry all the time. I cried at commercials on a regular basis. However, I did not shed a tear when working through the memory of seeing my beloved dog slaughtered in front of me. I had to learn how to connect back the grief with that experience before the well of tears finally stopped. I also needed to learn how to tap into my rage. I had to recognize that I had anger to honor, and then I had to learn how to process that anger in a safe manner.


I am active on a message board for adult survivors of childhood abuse. That board is filled with posts about learning how to express emotions. Telling any of those people that it is not okay to express their emotions because they will only feel them stronger would be detrimental to their healing journeys as well as untrue. It is when we express our emotions that they lose their power over us.


Traumatized children must pour the pain and rage out of their souls. Until they do, the repressed emotions will color every single aspect of their lives.


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Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: John [Member] Email
Getting the kids to let it out seems to be the really difficult part. They have learned so well to keep the protective shield up, that it is very difficult to get past that. One of mine never did, and pays a price for that trapped anger. Any chance of a post of 'how to' in getting the child to start letting that trapped stuff out? Great post Faith. John
PermalinkPermalink 09/14/07 @ 23:50
Comment from: Faith Allen [Member] Email · http://hoping.adoptionblogs.com/
Thanks, Johm.

Yes, I will put together a "how to" post for you. I come at this from the perspective of a person who chose healing in adulthood, but I will apply what I have learned to children. However, you cannot "force" another person to heal. You can only show them the way and hope that they will make the choice.

Take care,

- Faith
PermalinkPermalink 09/15/07 @ 05:06
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