e-mail
It was bound to happen. We can all pretend that racism is a thing of the past, yet we know in our hearts that it isn’t. We were told during transracial adoption training that it would happen and that we needed to prepare our children for it. Of course, we didn’t think it would really happen to us. It may be especially difficult for those of us raised in Midwest, middleclass, suburbia to accept. We were never exposed to racism growing up because we weren’t exposed to people of other races enough to say so. My high school had three blacks in attendance and two of them were actually biracial. I guess I am a little more prepared than my friend was today for negative comments because we have fostered cross-racially over the years. I also have friends who foster cross-racially who have shared their experiences and as well as their reactions with me. In addition, when I found Adoptionblogs.com and the transracial/transcultural blog I read with interest. I was trying to prepare for the day when someone would make an inappropriate comment to me about my daughter or worse yet, directly to my daughter.
One of my best friends has adopted eight children over the years. I think she is used to people staring at her because two of her adopted children have Down’s syndrome, wear hearing aides, and think glasses. Yet, until her most recent adoption, all of her children were Caucasian. She found an older black child on the state website that needed a forever home last year.
Today my friend went to the bank with her newly adopted daughter. Her daughter is 10 years old, but appears much younger because she is so petite. She is also very delayed so what transpired at the bank probably left her unscathed. A rude, insensitive, man commented under his breath, yet purposely loud enough to be heard by my friend, “They shouldn’t allow black people in here.”
My friend was shocked. She completely did not expect such an unprovoked verbal attack. She returned fire with, “I wish they wouldn’t allow bigots in here,” under her breath, just loud enough for him to hear. Apparently that was the end of the episode. My friend is broken hearted over the whole ordeal.
Why would an adult say something so mean to a child? Especially to a child who looks like she is only six years old. I think if we were able to slap people like that, it might help cure the problem. I mentioned in a previous blog that change in attitudes toward racism can begin in our homes and families. While we may not be able to change the attitudes of other people we can influence our own children and possibly some relatives. Help change the world before my daughter grows up.
Related Blog
But She Is Black…
Photo Credit Julia Fuller 2004
Yeah, but then I’m sure they’d slap back and then what? lol. I haven’t had anyone say anything (yet) about my 4 yo biracial son, and I’m sure I’ll be devastated when someone does. My son has such a sweet disposition and such a caring heart that I know that I would do anything to protect him from this type of treatment. My husband feels the same, he wants to shelter him from the ugliness in the world.
Your friends comment was appropriate in my opinion. People who do things like that are ignorant. I know that many people were raised to be that way, but it’s no excuse. My father was VERY bigoted against anyone who wasn’t Polish, Irish (white) and Catholic and I’ve heard it all – but I ALWAYS knew he was wrong – even as a very young child. When I started standing up to him (around 8 yo), I’m sure he thought I was a lunatic, but all of his ranting and raving that I was wrong did nothing to change my mind. I just know that God loves us all equally – we are all his children and I know he must be very disappointed in those who choose to discriminate.
Have a question – not sure if this is the right forum – please direct me – does the adoption tax credit really not cover self employment tax? Our accountant just said so and I can’t find it anywhere on the IRS site or any adoption site. Anyone know? Barbara
I’m sad your friend and her daughter experienced that. But not surprised. Im glad your friend had a response maybe it’ll make the man think…but it probably won’t.
declanmiles – Your taxable income is on line 43. Your tax liability is figured on that and goes on line 44 and on 46. The adoption credit goes on line 54 of the 1040. This can zero out the tax liability from line 46. Then the self-employment tax is added after that to your tax liability or to the zero amount. Self-employment tax goes on line 58, as well as a few other miscellaneous taxes, then your tax liability is totaled again on line 63. After that, line 64 is your tax withheld if you had any income a regular employer that withheld income tax. Other credits can go here such as excess child tax credit if you have more than 3 children. These credits can zero out your self-employment tax if you have credits here. If not, then it is true that you would owe your self-employment tax. You can look at page 2 of the 1040 yourself by going to the IRS.gov website and print forms.
-Julia
I suggest if anyone else makes racist comments like the above, you ask him what he’s going to do when you have a black president. Jocelyn Scott in highly multicultural Toronto, Canada
Question for you. My son is from Guatemala, and is getting “teased” by another boy about being “brown”, such as, here comes that “brown kid”, “what is that brown kid doing now”.
As a non violent, accepting mom, what do I tell my son about these kinds of comments. It’s happening at after school care, so am dealing with it at the parent/director/policy level, but am wondering how do I help my son steer his ship through these confusing waters?