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Before I had children, I would see kids throwing tantrums in the grocery store. “My children will never act like that,” I’d say to myself. Before I had children, I’d hear my friends complain about picky eaters. “I know my (future) kids will eat anything and everything,” I’d assume. When I’d see two children bickering over the same toy, I’d think to myself, “My kids will always want to share.”
Did I actually think these thoughts? Guilty, guilty, guilty. I truly believed “my kids would never…”. And then I had kids.
While I could regale you with tales of Beauty’s blow-out tantrums while shopping or Bear’s decision to only eat macaroni and cheese for a whole week, my thoughts are centered today on siblings and sharing. Or, more appropriately, the lack of sharing.
With Bear and Beauty less than a year apart in age, I always pictured them playing harmoniously–even if only in parallel play at first–whenever I thought about their early years. Sure, they can play in the same room. But as of late, that’s where the buck stops.
It’s a tough age to understand sharing, especially for Beauty. While she’ll willingly give up a toy when coaxed to “share with Bear”, if he so much as looks at a toy of hers–even if she’s not touching it–hysterics are certain to follow. Enter Beauty’s yells of “Mine! Mine! MINE!” Now mind you, this is before Bear even actually touches one of Beauty’s possessions. So it’s fairly safe to say we’re working on sharing at our house.
We haven’t found a solution, but we have made certain toys “off limits”. For example, Beauty is not allowed to touch (without permission from her brother, that is) Bear’s extensive collection of toy trains and tracks. Likewise, Bear has to ask Beauty before playing with her princess dollhouse or any of the furniture and/or princesses (and princes and horses) that are included. The flip is that the kids have to be “reasonably agreeable” (and yes, I realize this is complete contradiction in terms given their ages!) when said sibling asks to join in. And the rest of the toys in the house are fair game for anyone (no matter to whom they belong), as long as no one is taking something out of the hands of someone else (which still happens on a daily–but no longer hourly–basis). Has it worked? Well, sort of. I mean, it’s cut down on the fights over toys, but the kids are still becoming accustomed to the idea of sharing. And yesterday, Beauty willingly offered Bear a cracker from her bowl after Bear handed her a train to run on his carefully constructed track. Of course, five minutes later, Bear picked up her barely-touched baby doll, and quite the scene ensued.
We’re working on consistency, and both kids are starting to really realize that sometimes it’s actually more fun when your sibling plays with you and not merely beside you. Will it get better over time? I can only hope. But in the meantime, we’re taking baby steps toward sharing. And I’m definitely satisfied with the declining shrieks of “Mine!” piercing the peace of the house.
