Rejection: You can read about it and try to prepare yourself for it but nothing really prepares you for the feelings you have when your child rejects you. I totally expected our daughter to be shy & withdrawn on our orphanage visits and for the first few months. I expected to be rejected on some level; after all I was a complete stranger.

I can remember my first meeting with my daughter like it was yesterday. This 14 month old child was placed in my arms… she was scared stiff. She rocked herself, was guarded and stoic. I remember those first days after she was officially ours spent in our tiny hotel room when she thrashed her body when I held her close and she would rather rock in a corner than be in my arms.I would hold her through her rocking and put her down and she would slam her head into the floor for comfort.I would scoop her up again and be in tears seeing her self soothe in such a violent way.

That was completely understandable given all the new changes and that was obviously how she soothed herself in the baby home. It was difficult to watch. I just wanted to love away her pain.It’s the rejection that occurs once home and settled that’s hard to swallow. It is such a deep hurt. My daughter has started “ Mommy shopping” (I will delve further into this in a future post) and as much as I am aware of where this behavior stems and why she does it. It does not take the sting away.

It hurts a lot… all the energy, love and effort I put into helping her feel secure feels like it all goes out the window when she Mommy shops. A phrase that I remember reading somewhere that has been helpful “ Its my job to love her, not her job to love me’. I try to remember than when our attachment takes two steps back. Heck… it’s my mantra.

But I think we want our love to be reciprocated…don’t we? In most relationships its a give & take. Loving and expecting nothing in return is very hard.I try not to take it personally. I know she has been hurt and it;s going to take time. It just makes me want to work that much harder on our attachment.There is nothing in the world like that first spontaneous hug & kiss I received from my daughter. Each time she shows affection unexpectedly is like a huge payoff and It leaves me beaming from ear to ear.



Sometimes I feel selfish for having expectations of her. Its getting better, every week and month that goes by her sense of security seems to grow and so does her trust. She has come so far. Some days the slightest change can throw us off and we are back to square one.