If you choose not to tell your adopted child that he was conceived through rape or incest, you will be living with a secret for the rest of your life. This secret can be an emotional time bomb waiting to explode if your adopted child finds out in another way. Before deciding to keep this information a secret, consider the following issues:

1. What will your cover story be?

Your child is likely to have questions about his birthfather that you will need to answer. If you choose to keep the truth a secret, then you will need to have alternative answers to those questions. What will you tell your child?

If the child’s birthfather is also his birth grandfather, then you will not be able to answer questions about the birthfather honestly and keep the secret at the same time. What will you tell the child in place of this? Will you lie and say that you do not know who the birthfather is? Or will you make up a story?

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If a stranger raped the birthmother, you can honestly say that the birthmother did not know the birthfather. However, by omitting the information that the conception happened through rape, you are giving your child a false impression of his birthmother. Implying that she conceived a child consensually with a stranger sheds a different light on a woman than saying that she was raped. Is it fair to make the birthmother appear to be promiscuous?

3. What will you do if your child chooses to search for his birth family?

If your child chooses to search for his birth family as an adult, then the truth is likely to come out. How will you handle it when it does? Will you try to dissuade your child from searching? Or will you break the news to your child at this time?

4. How will you handle the truth coming out?

If your child finds out the truth another way, how will you handle his questions about why you kept this information from him? If your child learns this information elsewhere, it can damage your relationship and the trust that you have worked so hard to build throughout your child’s life.

Related Topics:

• Adopted Child Conceived by Rape/Incest Series



• Rape/Incest & Adopted Child: Reasons NOT to Tell



• Rape/Incest & Adopted Child: Reasons to Tell



• Rape/Incest & Adopted Child: Issues to Consider if you Tell

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