Raising a Less Physically Attractive Adopted Child

We have all heard the phrase, “a face that only a mother could love.” Not every person on the planet is physically attractive. In fact, if you looked at Hollywood’s standard, 95% of the population could probably be described as unattractive. The same holds true for adopted children: Not every adopted child has the physical appearance necessary to appear on the cover of a magazine.

When a less than attractive child is raised by his biological parents, the entire family generally shares some of the same traits. However, when the child joins a family through adoption, the members of the family can have very different physical features, which can create issues for a less physically attractive adopted child.

I was a big fan of the TV show Veronica Mars. In the first season, we met Mac, who hired Veronica to uncover a secret, which led to the revelation that Mac had been switched at birth with another baby. I think Mac was a cute teenager, but she did not look a thing like her family. Her family looked like a Ken and Barbie family, and Mac had dark hair with very different physical features. I can see where she could struggle with self-esteem issues while looking normal in a family that was “model perfect.”

I truly believe in the wisdom of beauty only running skin-deep. To me, all of my friends are beautiful because I see the beauty of their souls. None of them is posing for Cosmo, but that is not my measure of what makes a person beautiful.

We need to apply the same standard to our children. Not all children are physically attractive enough to pose on the cover of Seventeen, but all children are beautiful. In a world in which beauty is seen as everything, particularly if you watch too much television, we adoptive parents needs to help our children to see that beauty comes from the inside.

Most children will struggle with self-esteem issues based upon their looks at some point in their lives. Even those who are objectively attractive will have a bad hair day or a bad haircut that shakes their self-confidence. We need to instill the values in our children that their worth is not measured by their physical appearance.

Barbra Streisand probably did not like her nose as a child, but her nose is her most well known physical feature. Any child can fear he is too short, too tall, too fat, or too thin. We, as parents, need to drive home that they are precious for who they are, not for what they look like.

Also, the same physical trait that an adopted child hates about himself might turn out to be the distinguishing physical trait in his birth family. If he ever reunites with his birth family, he might actually come to appreciate that very trait.

Related Topic:

Who You Callin’ Ugly?

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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