e-mail
In my last post, Talking With Teacher About Child’s Adoption, I talked about sharing the fact that my son was adopted with his teacher. In that post, I said that I do not view my son’s adoption as a secret, but it is also not headline news.
Respecting an adopted child’s privacy can be tricky because, while his adoption is his story, parts of his story are the adoptive parents’ story, too. I went through the adoption process to become a mother, and I am paid to write about my experiences with adoption. So, how do I balance out respecting my son’s privacy while, at the same time, discuss adoption as it applies to me?
Decide What You Will Not Share
Before my son was born, I decided what details were private only to him. Here are some of the details that I do not share with others:
- Anything negative about the birth family
- Specific reasons why he was placed for adoption
- Whether he has birth siblings
If someone asks me a question about this private information, I say that we do not share that information because it is my son’s private information. Most people immediately apologize for overstepping, and I reassure them that I am not offended by the question; I am just not going to answer it.
Respect Your Child’s Feelings
Some children go around telling anyone who will listen about their adoption. Other children just want to be like other kids and do not want other people knowing about their adoption history. When your child is old enough to have opinions on the matter, follow her lead.
Limit What You Share to Your Experiences
Most of what I write and talk about regarding adoption is my experience. I try not to share specifics about my son’s birthfamily, and I do not talk with my son’s friends about adoption unless they say something that needs to be clarified. For example, if I heard a child tell my son that I am not his “real mom,” I would educate the child in front of my son about the difference between a birthmother and a “real mom.” (For the record, I believe that both his birthmother and I are his “real moms.”)
Err on the Side of Saying Too Little
When in doubt, I try to keep my mouth shut. I can always share more information later, but I cannot go back in time and stop myself from saying too much.
Related Topics:
- Who Owns The Story?
- Privacy on Hoping to Adopt blog
Photo Credit: Lynda Bernhardt
