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As a parent, there are many things in the media from which I want to shield my child. As a parent of an adopted child, that list only gets longer. Because my adopted child is only six years old, the job has not been too difficult thus far. However, as he gets older, I shudder to think of how my son will be affected by the inaccurate and negative ways that the media portrays adoption.
Even though my son is only six, I have already had to make the decision about whether to let him see the movie Meet the Robinsons. Several of my friends, none of whom have adopted, raved about the movie. However, our Russia Adoption blogger (and adoptive mother), Virginia, had a very different take:
Here’s what they don’t tell you. The movie opens with a shadowy figure of a woman leaving a baby in a box in a doorway on a dark and stormy night. So, sit down, munch your popcorn and get slammed in the face with abandonment. – Russian Adoptees “Meet The Robinsons”
Do I want my son to see a child rejected by potential adoptive parents 124 times? No way. If not for Virginia’s post (as well as others here at AdoptionBlogs.com), I would not have even known that adoption was addressed in the movie.
That is exactly what concerns me about raising an adopted child in this culture. The media is quick to mention someone’s adoption if he kills a bunch of people or causes some other tragedy. A person’s adoption is also often mentioned in celebrity stories, even when the adoption has nothing whatsoever to do with the story. (How many times do we have to be reminded that Tom and Nichole adopted their children?)
Adoption is also a common theme in television dramas, often with psychos involved. Either a psychotic birthmother shows up trying to “steal” her child back, or the adoptive parents turn out to be evil control freaks that make the child’s life a living nightmare. I am not saying that these things have never happened in the history of adoption, but these kinds of situations are definitely rare. Despite this, adoption storylines generally shed a negative light on adoption, and who knows how many people believe that garbage?
Meanwhile, I have a child to raise who I do not want to be affected by these slants. As he gets older, I will have less control over his exposure to these storylines. Also, many times you cannot see these stories coming. If the adoption is the twist, then you cannot read about it ahead of time in the TV Guide.
Unfortunately, I do not have any solutions to this problem. I guess I will find my way through this and, hopefully, learn a lot from fellow adoptive mothers about how to best shield my son from being affected by the media.
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This is one of the (many) reasons it is a great idea to protect children from complicated issues until they are older. It is true you will lose control over what they are exposed to. The flip side of that is they are more mature in their ability to sort things out. It also gives your relationship time to be secure and strong. Hopefully this strength of relationship will compel them to turn to you with their deepest questions and fears. Your son has a great mom!
I agree — I want to err on the side of protecting my son for as long as I can. Good point about maturity helping to sort through the issues.
Thanks for the compliment. :0)
- Faith
It’s also a problem for children who have gay parents, or teens who are gay. The only place I see positive portrayals, it seems, is on HGTV! Also the negative portrayal of Blacks and Hispanics is well-known as well. Just doing the best you can to be aware of what’s out there is good. Also, when it comes up, you could use it as a springboard for discussion at an age-appropriate level. Or, just watch and see if there are any behavior changes or question in the days following. My nearly adult daughters are pretty good at teasing out the real stuff from the fantasy stuff in the media now.
You are definitely right about the portrayal of gay parents and minorities!!
That is a good idea about using what the children watch to springboard discussion.
Thanks for your comment.
- Faith