For the past several days, I have been discussing how to handle talking with an adopted child who was conceived through rape or incest. Several readers have contacted me with questions that I did not cover in this series, and I am working my way through answering those questions.

One reader raised a question that I had not even considered: How do you talk to your child about being born as a product of prostitution?

Prostitution is known as "the world's oldest profession." Clearly someone is paying these women for their services, but society's disdain seems to fall squarely on the shoulders of the prostitutes without doling out a whole lot of judgment on the men who hire them. Society perpetuates a warped view of these women. Prostitutes are portrayed as nymphomaniacs who "choose" their profession.

In actuality, most of these women are victims of very difficult life circumstances. Many were victims of sexual and/or physical abuse as children and ran away from home to escape the abuse, only to fall prey to pimps who took over where their abusers left off. Many never "chose" this lifestyle but were forced into it by pimps. If they try to "quit," then their pimp will beat them. Because society views them as "worthless hookers," the pimp can safely get away with beating or even killing them because nobody cares about what happens to a "hooker."

Even prostitutes who manage to leave the "profession" are plagued by their pasts. They run into former "johns." They will never be treated with respect because the secret is always looming on the horizon, and once the word gets out about the former life, people treat them like they are worthless. These women suffer deeply and deserve our compassion, not our disdain.

If you, as an adoptive parent, can view the birthmother with compassion, seeing her as a woman who has endured much more pain than you will likely ever experience, then you are at a good starting point for talking about the birthmother with your child. Your child's birthmother is not someone who is "worthless": She is someone who was never treated with the love and respect that all people should be shown. If you can truly feel compassion for the woman who gave your child life, then you will be able to communicate this compassion to your child.

The most important thing to emphasize is that the birthparents' history does not define the child. See Rape/Incest & Adopted Child: Issues to Consider if you Tell for more on this topic. You will have similar issues to discussing stranger rape because the birthmother will not know the identity of the birthfather.

Yes, this is difficult information for the child to process, and I would follow the same advice that I have provided throughout this series. The more you can communicate a lack of judgment against the birth parents, the better able your child will be able to receive this information.

Related Topics:

• Adopted Child Conceived by Rape/Incest Series



• Rape/Incest & Adopted Child: Reasons to Tell



• Rape/Incest & Adopted Child: Issues to Consider if you Tell

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