It is that time of year again already. The months seem to fly by and six months comes so quickly. Our adoption agency has requested that we send an update semi-annually for the first five years, then once a year. It is hard to believe that our beautiful daughter is one and a half already. I want to tell her birthmother so much about her in each update letter because we are so proud of her. It is tempting to send many photos because she is so cute and photogenic. What holds me back from doing it then? We currently have a closed adoption because that was her birthmother’s choice. On the one hand, the agency doesn’t need a foot-deep file of our daughter’s photos filling up their file cabinet. On the other hand, if her birthmother changes her mind and requests the photos, we’d like her to see all of her daughter’s milestones.
We would like her birthmother to see her wonderful personality shining through her photos. We would like her to know that her daughter is happy, athletic, and well loved. We know that in a few years our daughter will begin asking questions about her birthmother. We know this because we have adopted six other children. Our other children are older and each began asking questions by the age of eight.
If our adoption is still closed when our daughter begins wanting information, we won’t have much to tell her. We have a black and white photo taken from a cell phone and sent via email to show our daughter of her birthmother. We also have documents about her birth that the hospital released to us.
Because we had matched with our daughter’s birthmother two months before her birth, we were able to stay with our daughter in the hospital nursery. Therefore, we were able to take newborn photos at the hospital and order a hospital photo package. Unfortunately, her birthmother wasn’t up to meeting us.
Previously, I sent her professional photos, which I have taken every three months. Then I read Coley’s advice on writing these update letters. Coley gave great advice on the types of photos that birthmothers like to see. This time, I have a couple of photos of our family together at Christmas and a birthday. Then I have included individual photos of our daughter playing in the snow, on the teeter-totter, eating cake, and other action photos.
photo credit Julia Fuller 2007