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I had the privilege of attending my first-ever “adoptive mommy-to-be” shower (via the internet, might I add, but still a shower nonetheless). And let me tell you, it was fantastic!
I know the situations vary from family to family, but in ours, you typically receive one baby shower in honor of your first baby. Of course, if there are “special circumstances”, the rules are a bit different (my mom being one example: my brothers are ten and twelve years older than I so she no longer had an arsenal of baby items at her disposal while pregnant with yours truly), but for the most part, that’s how it goes. I wasn’t expecting a shower while waiting for Beauty to arrive, and I didn’t receive one. I did, however, receive an awesome shower while pregnant with Bear so the items we still needed to purchase for Beauty’s homecoming were minimal at best.
I’ll be honest, in my “real life”, day-to-day exchanges, I have few “adoptive mommy” friends. Neighborhood acquaintances? Yes. In several of our playgroups? Certainly. But everyday adoptive mom friends to grab coffee with and gossip? Not so much. Suffice to say, when I learned an old friend (who currently lives out of state) had started the process of adopting a son from Korea, I was beyond thrilled. She and I have kept in touch regularly and I’ve been overjoyed to witness each step of the adoption process. A mutual friend of ours threw a virtual baby shower and I was able to take part via webcam. It was wonderful and filled with so many happy and celebratory tears. I later discussed the event with several of my online adoptive mommy friends and found only one had received a shower while “expecting”. The three others had not.
In fairness, one of the three adoptive moms had two prior biological children so she was essentially “out of the running”–she didn’t anticipate that anyone would throw one for her, and no one did. However, I was informed the other two mothers did (even if it was somewhat secretly) pine for a baby shower to celebrate their big event. But neither one was a recipient.
Now, I could speculate all day as to why these two women didn’t receive baby showers (perhaps no one was available/willing to host one, maybe neither woman openly expressed interest, etc.) but at the end of the day, I don’t know the answer to that question. However, it did lead me to think a bit more about baby showers for adoptive parents (side note: perhaps “baby” showers isn’t the right way to explain it, considering many people adopt well beyond “babyhood”–just a thought!). Do I think the lack of a shower was some drastic statement against adoption? Not in the least. I do think, however, that it’s much easier to plan a shower when you know there’s a due date in sight. I couldn’t have predicted Beauty’s homecoming had you paid me to try it. We went from what seemed like absolutely no movement in the process to her arrival in what seemed like the blink of the eye. So perhaps that, too, was a hugely defining issue.
For so many pregnancies/expectant parents, a baby shower is one of the most highly anticipated rituals. I’d love to hear from any AP or PAP shower recepients–tell me about your celebration! Anyone elect to pass on a shower when offered, or did you wish a shower would’ve been offered yet no one hosted in your honor? Please feel free to comment here or share your experiences with me via email (courtneyo@adoptionblogs.com).
I had showers both at work and at church. The showers were shortly after the girls came home. It was best to do it afterward because while waiting we didn’t know what age, gender, how many children we would be matched with, or when they might come home. Once we were matched it moved within a few weeks from visits to having the girls home. We brought home 3 children, and they were our first children. Since we hadn’t known more then a few weeks before they came home what ages, etc. they would be, we hadn’t been able to purchase much in advance. If it hadn’t been for the blessings of the showers, I don’t know how we would have ever purchased all the clothes, toys, etc. we needed.
The girls came with us to the church shower. In some ways we handled it more like a big birthday party. The cake welcomed the girls by name, and they each opened their own gifts. One of our friends from church is a professional photographer and he took pictures at the shower and gave them to us as gift. They are among the earliest pictures we have of our family together.
Both those showers meant more then I can say. They helped with the material side of things, but more then that they were a way to celebrate our family and children.
My mom threw me a small shower. I hope to have one for the next baby whenever she comes. I think all babies should be showered, and all children should be welcomed. I don’t know why, but when I think about a party held after a baby or child arrives, I think of it as a welcoming. Jack had a welcoming too, after finalization, without presents, but with cake.