Adoptive Parenting, Child Parenting

10/11/06

Old School Parenting

Posted by : Lauri in Adoptive Parenting Blog at 05:54 am , 477 words, 82 views
Categories: Parenting Philosophies

I’m an older Mom, I’m not one of those women who planned it to be this way, and I did not put off having children for my career. (Not that there is anything wrong with that) I have been trying to become a parent for a very long time. I just so happened that I was meant to be an older mom. The more I surround myself with other stay at home Moms, most who are much younger than me. The more I realize how “ Old school” my parenting style is.

I realize that I have a no-nonsense, perhaps more strict attitude that some ( emphasis on some here) younger moms lack. I worry that we are collectively bringing up a future generation of stinkers. I was at the Disney store the other day,we often go in and browse. I see the same scenarios each time. Mom tells little Susie that no she can’t have the toy, Susie pitches a fit, and Mom embarrassed by the child’s outburst caves and buys a toy, the child has a smirk on her face like “ works every time”.

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I came home and discussed this with John.We talked about how we would handle this situation. We decided that we would let Liv know prior to going to the store if we would be just looking or buying something for her. If we were buying something there would be a set price limit. I don’t want to set myself up for a child who thinks that she gets to purchase something every time we run an errand.

If she pitched a fit, I would remind her that we were looking, if she continued I would scoop her up and leave. My niece as a child would always ask My Mom to bring her a “ surprise” whenever my Mom went to run an errand. My niece came to expect these surprises every time and I had a problem with that. It’s not a surprise if it’s every time I would say .The same goes with meal discussions. I will hear “ Oh little Susie only eats pop tarts and chicken nuggets” so I have to cook two meals.

I don’t plan on making separate meals.I have made something different for Liv when I have cooked spicy meals. I wont even get started on a lack of manners, that’s a whole different post altogether. I am not saying this is just an age thing, I have met many fantastic teen parents who put me to shame with their patience and capabilities. So what is your view on this? Am I the only one who notices this new passive trend in parenting? Is it just that I was raised in another decade versus most Moms? I’m anxious to hear your feedback on this topic

9 comments

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: Julie [Member]

· http://special-needs.adoptionblogs.com/

No Lauri, you're not. There are plenty of overly permissive parents out there. It takes less effort to cave in than to stand up and teach the child. And once you start down that path, it's even harder not to cook that second meal or buy that toy during a tantrum.

I'd hate to be held hostage by my child in that way. It is so damaging to the child.

Permalink 10/11/06 @ 05:35

Comment from: Jenna Hatfield [Member]

· http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/

We're no nonsense up in this house! We may be "crunchy" with some things (babywearing, a bout of cloth diapering, etc) but the whole Disney store scenario? N-O. GAH. Drives me nuts. In fact, since we wear Nicholas in the store instead of putting him in a cart, etc, he doesn't cry. People give me strange looks as they wheel their screaming child by in a cart. But I just think, "Uh, my kid isn't screaming, now is he?"

Good for you. :)

Permalink 10/11/06 @ 05:48

Comment from: afrindiemum [Member]

oh, yeah - i get you lauri. we're crunchy, too, jenna. but my girl knows her pleases and thank yous and says them unprompted. and a fit in the store over a toy? that gets you a ride in mom or dad's arms out the nearest exit.

i am a little soft around the edges for some things - but discipline is really important to me.

and the food thing? well thank goodness i have an easy kid when it comes to eating. she eats exactly what we eat and that's that. and that includes the spicy ecuadorian enchiladas we had last

Permalink 10/11/06 @ 06:05

Comment from: Stephanie [Member]

I don't think it's an old school thing, I think it's how you were brought up. I see the same things you do, and while we don't have our child just yet, my husband and I often talk about how we would handle such situations. We have friends who make special meals for their kids, and eat them at the breakfast bar before the husband even gets home. We vow to always eat together as a family, it's one of my fondest memories now.

Permalink 10/11/06 @ 07:06

Comment from: Michelle Vandepas [Member]

· http://older-parent.adoptionblogs.com/

An older mum eh Lauri!?!.... K eats a lot of spicy food, if she complains it it too spicy I put it in the sieve and rinse it a bit. Really! I've done that with homemade chili, enchilasas, shrimp dishes etc. Enough of the sauce stays on for flavor, but she can usually eat it!

As for pitching a fit? Hummm I don't think so. I've been known to leave the store leaving a basket right where I stood. If that is what K was trying to achieve, then we don't leave, but go to a corner and have quiet time.

Permalink 10/11/06 @ 07:42

Comment from: marymartha [Member]

Something to note here I often see older parents who are much more relaxed about disciplining their children than younger parents. I have been involved in this issues for a long time and it seems like kids of older parents don't get as much disclipine at home than younger parents. Yes I do think this is an age related issue because I think older parents just don't have the energy or patience to follow through with the discipline. Many kids who are younger parents who were children of older parents are very strict with their children because they had very little discipline growing up.

Permalink 10/11/06 @ 08:21

Comment from: Lauri [Member]

· http://adoptive-parenting.adoptionblogs.com/

Excellent point marymartha and thanks to everyone for your feeback. Im glad Im not the only one who notices this in all all types of parents regardless of age. Stephanie made a good point in saying its probably how one is raised themselves.

You all gave me alot to think about

Permalink 10/11/06 @ 08:29

Comment from: Lori [Member]

I think a lot of parents take the path of least resistance. I am not sure it is a young parent thing tho. I have several friends that started parenting well into their 40s and are very passive.

I have to admit that I often cook two meals, something I always said I would not do. I am fairly strict in other ways, food is just one battle I found room to compermise on. (tho my kids think I am an ogar because they are expected to make fruit and veggie selections with every meal.

Lori

Permalink 10/11/06 @ 11:35

Comment from: Dr. G [Member]

· http://adoptive-parenting.adoptionblogs.com/

in my book i make a humorous reference to three kinds of parents: laid back ("oh honey please don't do that, okay?"); strict ("do what i told you to, because i said so!"); and mean (you better, or else!). i fall into the strict category. my parents...were mean. my aunt lucile was laid back. i think it's all good if you can achieve the compliance and respect that you are seeking from your child. some children are very responsive to laid back forms of discipline. some are not and they require a little more "oomph" to get them to obey. some children are very sensitive and feel threatened with the "because i said so" or the "do it, or else" approach. for them all of that drama just isn't necessary to get them to do what you want them to do. the hard part, is figuring out what the heck kind of approach your child responds to and then seeing if you can match your disciplinary style accordingly. of course, there are only a million different types of disciplinary strategies, and equally as many personality styles and temperaments for kids. i guess that's why it often ends up being a doggone crap shoot.

Permalink 10/11/06 @ 11:52

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