When I was researching related topics for my last post, Different Personality from Adopted Child, I came across Kelly’s post Nature vs. Nurture- This Mom's view on the Foster Adoption blog. Kelly’s adopted child, Sammy, has a birthmother who has committed several crimes, and Sammy has been struggling as well. In her post, Kelly says -

Which makes me wonder… all the “work” that I have put into Sammy, does it matter? Is he destined to follow in his mother’s footsteps? These repeat events do not bode well for our family. Is this what I have to look forward to in the future?

Even those of us who adopted our children as infants wonder how much nature versus nurture will affect our children. After we met my son’s then-expecting mother, my husband commented that it will be interesting to see the nature versus nurture dynamic as we raise our child. While my son’s birthmother is a perfectly lovely woman, she has a very different background from my husband and me, and I do believe my son’s life is very different than it would have been if she had chosen to parent him. I am not saying that either of our walks is “better” or “worse,” just different.

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I come at this debate from a different standpoint. I grew up in a very abusive environment, so clearly the nurture end left much to be desired. As for nature, there are quite a few negative factors in my heritage, including mental illness. Despite being shortchanged on both the nature and nurture ends, I have grown into a woman who has overcome these handicaps and, by any standard, leads a successful life. How did I do this? Through choice.

I believe that each of us has part of the divine in us, which is our spirit. By making good choices, our spirit can overcome whatever life throws our way, whether that is lousy nature, nurture, or both. We are not destined to repeat our parents’ or birthparents’ mistakes: We have a choice.

This leads me back to the adopted child. I believe that both the birthparents’ nature and the adoptive parents’ nurture influence who the child will become. However, it is ultimately the child’s choice what he does with this influence. He can embrace what has been given to him (whether what was given was good or bad), or he can reject it. Ultimately, he will make the choice about what kind of man he becomes.

Related Topics:

• View as a Adoptee: Nature versus Nurture



• Nature vs. Nurture- This Mom's view



• Love Thursday: Nature vs. Nurture

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