When I worked as a Home visitor the most common complaint across the board was “ My child wont sleep”. This was the most prevalent and common issue parents asked for advice on. The second most popular issue was with picky eaters. It ranged from the child not sleeping in his/her own bed (co-sleeping was not encouraged by my old employer) or the child having such terrible tantrums and fits at bedtime. Many times the parent had to sleep with the child. In all cases bedtime was a huge ordeal. Most Moms’ were in tears as they explained the crying, screaming and tug of war that they had to face every night. Many parents told me it started innocently enough. They began co-sleeping while breastfeeding or they allowed the child to come to bed with them and were never able to transition into the child’s bed. In most cases the Mom & Dad were co-sleeping but were not happy with the situation. Mom wanted to transition the child to his own bed or crib. I’m fortunate that so far we have not had any sleep issues. Many parents who adopted co-sleep for attachment reasons. I’m all for that. My general motto is “ Do what works for you”. For my Moms that I was providing support to, it was not working for them and they wanted help getting their child to sleep on their own.

Here is my step-by-step plan for getting your child to sleep on their own- this is what works for me.

If you haven’t already establish a bedtime routine (I was surprised that not all parents have a bedtime ritual) read stories, massage a calming lotion on your child’s skin, and play lullabies. I read the same sleepy books each night in a quiet voice (Goodnight Gorilla & The going to bed book) we start our quiet ritual 30 minutes before bedtime.

Get a rocking chair (even for an older child) it’s incredibly soothing. I always see them at resale shops

Give your child choices- picking out her own PJ’s, picking out a snack gives your child a sense of empowerment and control in her bedtime routine.

Play lullabies- we have a small cd player in Liv’s room. We borrow different cd’s from the library each week

Say Goodnight to the toys- we walk around her room and say goodnight to her things, she picks them up and gives them a kiss. (Time consuming, but again we are setting the scene for bedtime) She kisses her framed pictures of Mama & Papa on her dresser.
I lay her down, we say our prayers- recap our day “ we had fun on the slide today didn’t we, now its time for rest so we can have more fun tomorrow.” I say goodnight, kiss her and leave the room. If she cries I go to her right away, soothe her, rub her back, but I don’t take her out of her crib. I then say goodnight a leave the room. She falls asleep on her own.

If your just starting out this may take some time and you may be going into your child’s room to soothe him/her often.

Some people start with the child’s crib or bed in the same room as the parents and slowly transition the child into their own room. I think this is a smart idea


If your just home with your newly adopted child most experts do not recommend letting the child cry it out and I agree. It came to the point we had to out of sheer exhaustion & jet lag

( since writing this article I have begun Co-sleeping with Livi during naptime- so far this has not interfered with our evening routine- I will post about that tomorrow)


Sweet dreams

Great Links
http://www.adoptmed.org/sleep