It has started.

My children are aware of the impending Day for Mothers.

Tension is tangible; behaviors have taken a veering right from whatever normal we’d managed to achieve by last month.

One girl wanted to mail a previous adoptive mother a card. She realized today that she’d forgotten about this up until now. With this realization, she was even able to use words (something many of my other children are not able to do). “I forgot to mail a card! X*#?!” With the utterance of a swear word, it seemed to flip a switch controlling arm movement. Her arm came out and gave one sweeping motion across the kitchen island where we’d been preparing dinner. Food spilled onto the floor. My daughter just stood there for a moment, then walked around the other side of the island and continued to prepare dinner as if nothing had happened.

I could have yelled.
I could have demanded she first pick up the food.
I could have asked her what the heck was wrong.
I could have informed her that it isn’t OUR fault she’s upset, so she shouldn’t be taking it out on us.
Instead, I was proud. I was proud that she put something, anything, to words. This is a big step for her. I was proud that she wasn’t MORE destructive; this is minimal compared to behaviors in the past. I was proud that she “pulled it together”, so to speak, as well and as quickly as she did. (OK, I was also proud of myself to be thinking about all of this instead of responding to more negative impulses.)

I continued to help her, saying nothing about the outburst. When we had the meal ready, she and I picked up the food she’d tossed onto the floor – together. As we cleaned up the last bit, I calmly told her that, if she mailed a card tomorrow, it might still get there by Mother’s Day. If not, it will get there on Monday and that’s close enough. She looked up and we made actual eye contact (yep, another rare occurrence) and asked “Really? Okay.”

Brief, yet powerful, this daughter gave me an outward reminder of why this week is already proving to be a tough one for many of my kids. Mother’s Day, for most of my kids, is about all the mothers of their past. It serves me well to remember that, allows me to alter my own expectations and free myself a little to be a support to them in dealing with their memories and other “mother issues”.

Other blogs on Mother's Day issues:
How to Survive Mother's Day
Dreading Mother's Day
Mother's Day Cards