Mommy Shopping was a new behavior my daughter was exhibiting a few months after coming home.I thought I would share my experiences with it and how we dealt with it. It first happened a when a female friend came over to take our pictures for a newspaper article about our adoption. My typically clingy affectionate daughter flat out ignored me, refused eye contact, lashed out at me. All the while she was charming, warm and overly friendly with our visitor. It made for capturing a warm & fuzzy picture difficult. After our visitor left my husband and I sat down and wondered what in the world just happened and why. We both knew that this was not a healthy behavior and wanted to know why it was happening.


I wondered if having two women and one Papa confused my daughter. Did she think that this woman was the new Mama? Was she pushing me away to protect herself from hurting? It has also used to happen at the grocery store or Mall where Liv pulls out her charm and attempts to get the attention of any woman. This is much more than just a friendly toddler…. The way in which she is seeking attention and avoiding Me at all costs was worrisome. Out of all her behaviors this one would hurt me and confused me the most. I don’t understand why she did it. What could she have possibly been seeking from others that she was not getting from me?


I know this is not a reflection of my parenting skills or me. I can’t help but think that if she felt more secure and was truly attached that she would not have the need to Mommy shop. I have recently seen a positive shift in my daughter; she is actually beginning to become a little reserved and the Mommy shopping occurs less and less.In a group of Women she knows Im Mama. This is encouraging and I hope it is a sign that all the hard attachment work we have been doing is paying off. One of the ways we put an end to this was having only Parent's meet her needs, intercept well meaning strangers who may cross that line, and when she was seeking attention from strangers I would pull her close, swoop her up on my lap and let her know that I was Mama.

Have you experienced Mommy shopping? If so how did you handle it?


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