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“Why do we have to see a judge?” Bear asked for quite possibly the hundredth time.
“A judge is someone who helps complete adoptions,” my husband offered.
“Oh,” said Bear, clearly unimpressed. “But we get to go out to dinner after that, right?”
Hey, you have to have priorities, no?
While I think both of my ‘older’ children have a good grasp on and understanding of adoption, there are definitely details and components they just don’t ‘get’. They understand that a social worker helps get your family ready for a new baby; they understand that birth moms are a part of our family, too. They understand that adoption is a something that we celebrate in our family. They comprehend “a-days” and how they differ from b-days. But judges and legalities and intricacies of this caliber? Not so much.
This Friday, we’ll be heading to court to get Bella’s adoption formally under way. Bear is nervous about seeing a judge and doesn’t want to “have to talk too much”; Beauty’s stoked about wearing her new dress. Both are excited that we’re going out to dinner after the “legal stuff” is complete. But that’s the extent of their understanding. As they get older, we’ll explain this part as we have all the rest. But for now, going in front of a judge is just another step in completing our family.
Bear is really starting to show an almost slightly-uncharacteristic-for-his-age-and-personality interest in the adoption process. Although he claims he remembers Beauty’s homecoming as if it were yesterday, I have a feeling this might be a slight exaggeration. However, he’s watched our family grow seemingly overnight with the addition of Bella.
The day after Bella arrived, Bear had some questions: “Where did she come from?” “Whose tummy?” “Is she my new sister forever?”
These were the easy ones. But there were some not-so-easy ones, too.
“If the girls grew in other mommies tummies, are you still their mommy, too?”
Slow down, kid. You’re not even four.
Honestly, though, I wasn’t prepared for some of the questions, but I was pleased they were asked. I went on to explain that Beauty and Bella have two mommies–a tummy mommy and, well, me. But since Bear grew in my tummy, he only has one: I’m his mommy and his tummy mommy all rolled up in one. He seemed satisfied with that answer. He’s met (and adores) Bella’s birth mom, so the concept is a bit more tangible to him now. We haven’t really arrived at the “how are daddies involved?” point so I’m thankful I don’t have to explain that part just yet.
I always want to encourage my children to ask absolutely any questions they have about adoption, the adoption process, the hows and whys. I next-to-never have to initiate the conversation as Bear tends to ask on his own accord, but as he grows, as Beauty grows, and as Bella grows, it is my responsibility to explain adoption–and the surrounding circumstances of each of theirs–as honestly (and age-appropriately) as I can. Their truth is my truth, and on that our family is built.
