In my last post, Resiliency and the Adopted Child, I kicked off this series about resilience. I shared that a reader named Fenyimom and I had a discussion going on Perceptions of Irresponsible Adult Adopted Child about whether all adopted children who had suffered abuse had the ability to lead productive lives in adulthood.

In the comments, Fenyimom asked me to read a New York Times Magazine article called A Question of Resilience. Here is her comment:

Here's a study that discusses resiliency in people who have been traumatized, and the genetic links that have been found. – Fenyimon from Perceptions of Irresponsible Adult Adopted Child

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After reading the article, I have not changed my position. The gene the article discusses causes a higher rate of depression in some abuse survivors. Struggling with depression is not the same thing as being forever dependent upon others because you cannot make good choices. Many people struggle with depression and, at the same time, manage to pay their bills and make responsible choices.

I also see the study as inherently flawed because it focuses on the outward behaviors rather than on what is going on inside of the trauma survivor’s head. The study observes the reactions of traumatized monkeys and assumes that only those that behaved in a certain way felt certain aftereffects from the trauma.

My sister and I experienced the same abuses, and we continue to experience many of the same emotional responses. However, our outward behaviors are quite different. For example, when placed in a situation that triggers emotions from our childhood, both of us will feel anxious. I react by “spacing out” (dissociation) while she reacts by becoming hyper-alert (hypervigilance). We are both feeling the same thing, but anyone observing us could conclude that we felt different things.

The article made this statement about abuse survivors:

Study after study has shown that sexually-abused children...are more likely to develop a raft of emotional and health problems, including depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and suicidal thoughts.

Based upon knowing hundreds of sexual abuse survivors, I would say this is true for all of them. I have yet to meet a sexual abuse survivor who did not meet this profile. These are aftereffects of trauma and are not linked to a gene.

As adults, [sexual abuse survivors] are more likely to be unemployed, homeless, addicted to drugs or alcohol and alone.

Sexual abuse survivors have very painful emotional issues to process. Every abuse survivor turns to something to help cope with the pain. Some choose drugs or alcohol while others choose workaholism or compulsive cleanliness. Since some of these compulsions are viewed as “good” while others are viewed as “bad,” people sort abuse survivors into two categories, assuming that the results of choosing a more damaging coping tool is a sign of less resiliency. However, the underlying pain and the reason for seeking out a form of coping in the first place is the same.

According to the article –

You exhibit resilience (as opposed to plain competence) if you cope with terrible misfortune and live a relatively successful life as defined by mental health, success in school or at work or solid relationships. In studies of the long-term effects of physical and sexual child abuse, 20 to 40 percent of victims show few signs of behavioral or mental-health problems. And many of them don't appear damaged later in life.

Again, this article is pointing to behavior to show resiliency, assuming that someone who can be successful at work does not struggle with mental health issues or experience emotional damage. I know hundreds of abuse survivors: All of them are emotionally damaged. I was a straight A student while contemplating suicide, but I was considered “resilient.” My sister, who did poorly in school and was not suicidal, was considered “not resilient,” even though she has actually struggled less in her emotional healing than I have.

The article ends with a discussion about one of my favorite authors on trauma – Judith Lewis Herman, who wrote the book Trauma and Recovery. This book is a must-read for anyone who is parenting a traumatized child. I agree wholeheartedly with her descriptions of trauma.

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