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My daughter has been going through a clingy stage…. I guess given the alternative of a child who is withdrawn and avoids physical contact that this is a good sign. Sometimes it’s difficult to have a 31 lb kid hanging on you all day. My body aches with having her hanging on me all the time and not to mention the fat lips, and bruises from her loving head bumps and bangs. It has come to the point that I don’t even want my husband to hug me at the end of the day. I just have had enough of being pawed at from my daughter. I’m concerned with the manipulative nature of her demanding affection.
I’m concerned with her anxious attachment and frankly I’m just tired of it. If I push her off of me, I feel guilty. How can I deny a child who is seeking me out, who longs to be held? It just so happens that she wants to be held when I’m making an important phone call, reading mail, or trying to read a book. She wants to be held all the time, I spend all day with her, and my day is centered on her. I deserve some time for myself as well. It’s very draining. I like to tell myself that this is just a child who needs her Mama, a child who needs affection and to be close. I have a nagging sense a lot of this clingy stuff is her trying to control the situation to control me… does that make sense to anyone?
I guess unless you live with it, its hard to understand what I’m talking about. It’s so hard to explain. I feel that much of her clinginess is not to fill a need within her but a need to control what I’m doing with my time. I know that’s hard to grasp, I mean she is two. Can two year olds even do that? So tell me… is clingy a good thing? Help is on the way with a respite center where I can get a few hour break one day a week.
This is yet another phase kids go through. Hers may be exaggerated given her background but she should grow out of it.
It is draining and frustrating.
Be thankful she is still a napper.
love,
Lauren
Dalton was in this phase for quite a while. When he first came home he didn’t seem to care who held him as long as someone did. But then one day he wanted me – and only me – all the time. I decided if he wanted to be held I would hold him. It was very physically difficult until I discovered that he was content to be in a backpack carrier. Then it was no problem. I carried him most of the time for about six months and then he grew out of it. He is now very strongly bonded with me, but also quite independent so I think it was a good thing.
I remember those days — they went on way too long (from my perspective). But it is a much healthier stage than rejecting you or mom shopping.
Hang in there — I totally remember the “not wanting to be touched by anyone” feeling after my velcro kid had stuck to me all day!
The anxious attachment stage is the stage closest to strong healthy attachment. Get her thru this stage and things will be lots better. I bet even 6 months from now things will be lots easier. Hang in there…you’ll make it!
Mary
I feel for you. Our 20 month old is “up”. I only deal with her for a few hours a day and my arms are tired, I can’t imagine what I’d be like all day.
Of course I know, as soon as she’s completely independent and only wanting to be held once in a while, I’ll miss it.
I could’ve written this post!
Our 18 month old is in prime clingy phase, he’ll even stand outside the bathroom door and cry for the whole 2 minutes I’m in there (while his dad tries to coax him with games, blocks, anything!). It is a phase, the books say so, the drs say so – I just hope it passess soon!
Thanks for the feedback… I hate complaining because she is attaching and doing well( I think), but geesh is it draining
Do you have a ergo carrier or hip hammock? Mine saved me on so many days and it allows you to have your hands free.
While clingy is still insecure attachment…it is a form of attachment but not secure. My DS was highly clingy and actually still likes to be held much more than a typical 3.5 yo…that could also be the sensory seeker in him as well.
It is a very hard thing to live with but when you finally have that major breakthrough, you will be so thrilled…until the regression that almost always follows. LOL…but then attachment gets even stronger. We have been home 3 years in a month and we have had healthy attachment for the past 5 months…with no regressions. Let me tell you…it is heaven and you will enjoy every second of it because you both worked so hard to get there.
Hang in there…
Karen