On my post, How to Help Abused Adopted Child Heal from Dissociative Disorder, a reader wrote the following comment:

Now for the post on surviving this and dealing with people who don't understand that your child can't just be "fixed" right now. Thanks for this. This blog is really a lifeline some days.

Living with someone who is recovering from trauma is a challenge, whether that person struggles with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), or anything in between. Here are some tips for surviving parenting a child who has been traumatized.

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The better you can understand the aftereffects of trauma, the more patience you will be able to develop. Your child cannot help having aftereffects from trauma, and he is likely to be as baffled by his own behavior as you are. The aftereffects of trauma really do make logical sense, but first you have to understand the way a traumatized person's brain works. The more you educate yourself about the aftereffects of trauma, the better equipped you will be to survive parenting a child with these issues.

For a good book on understanding trauma, read Judith Herman's book, Trauma and Recovery. Another good resource is the Survivor to Thriver Manual.

Research Ways to Help Your Child

Read the adoption blogs that address various issues for living with children who have been traumatized:

• Older Child Adoption blog


• Parenting Special Kids blog


• Reactive Attachment Disorder blog

I can speak to the mind of the traumatized child because I was one, but the women who write those blogs are living the same things that you are in parenting a traumatized child. Ask them your questions and look for answers on their blogs.

Set Appropriate Boundaries

Just because a person has been traumatized does not give him a free pass to treat the people in his life badly. I see this frequently with some adult survivors of childhood abuse. While many of us wind up being pushed around by others, some abuse survivors believe the world owes them something, and they take out their frustrations on those around them. This is not okay.

It is completely appropriate (and necessary) to set boundaries with your child. It is okay for him to express his anger in appropriate ways, but it is not okay for him to take his anger out on you or your personal property. Allowing a child to operate without boundaries just because he was traumatized is not beneficial to anyone.

Related Topics:

• Understanding Integration



• The Caused Disorders



• Adopting an Abused Child series

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