Adoptive Parenting, Child Parenting - Hate is not a family value

03/25/07

Hate is not a family value

Posted by : Lauri in Adoptive Parenting Blog at 12:47 pm , 390 words, 164 views
Categories: Values

I wish I can say that everyone in my family has embraced our adoption, embraced our daughter as a member of the family. While most have whole heartedly supported us and showed excitement that is appropriate to any new child joining a family, some have had less than a luke warm response. No warm wishes, no card, no gift, no attendance at parties, no support, no participation in the good wish quilt, and basically shunning us and our daughter for unknown reasons. Almost one year after the fact this crap is still going on. Some people in our life have even resulted in using our adoption as a platform to find fault in other family members… blaming other family members for giving special treatment when they are just being supportive.

That angers me to no end…. That other people are telling family that they are showing love just because my daughter is adopted. What does that have to do with anything? This is a new child joining a family plain & simple. That is why a fuss is being made. My Mom told me that its special when all of her children have children… and when it comes to me its special because its her baby who has a baby now… after years of longing & waiting. I feel bad that my Mom feels a need to explain herself… its her granddaughter that’s why.

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Is it hard for these people to understand because my daughter is not an infant? Because there was not a pregnancy? Don’t we deserve the support & excitement just as much as any parents welcoming a child into our family? I’m sick of it. I’m sick of the hate and jealousy. I'm sick of hearing about this through the grapevine.I’m sad and I wish things could be different. I’m angry with the rude uneducated comments regarding our adoption. Grow up already.... so she is adopted, get over it. I was there for you when you had your children... I was there for your children... dont I have a right to expect the same? Find somebody else to complain about and leave us alone. Your only competing with yourself. Hate is not a family value. I just needed to vent about that today. Has anyone had to deal with hate in the family?

3 comments

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: Faith Allen [Member]

· http://hoping.adoptionblogs.com/

(((( Lauri ))))

I am sorry that your family is behaving this way. Yes, your child should be embraced and loved as a member of your family.

I have written a series on this subject that will post ~ the middle of May. I have added a link to this post because your post captures the frustration so well.

Hang in there.

- Faith

Permalink 03/25/07 @ 13:51

Comment from: princess421 [Member]

I am so sorry this is still going on.

I guess the last "Ugly Betty" episode said it best - "Family isn't always who loves you the best. Sometimes you have to make your own family" Or something close to that.

Sadly that is true sometimes. It really is their loss to not be involved. Trust me- I know of what you speak first hand even though my girl is not adopted. It is just so petty sometimes.

I know we learned so much from you guys and I can't wait to see you on Saturday at the egg hunt.

Lauren

Permalink 03/26/07 @ 06:17

Comment from: lmg1567 [Member]

When we first adopted 13 years ago we had the same experience as you, Lauri. I had a sister-in-law who was telling everyone that she KNEW we were getting paid an ENORMOUS amount of money per month from the state to care for our four foster children and that we must be getting even MORE to adopt three of them. How can you respond to something like that? I asked my mother-in-law why my husband would be driving an old car and going to a job every day he didn't really care for if we were rolling in this free money?? Of course I hear about it thru the grapevine after I am frustrated beyond belief at the reactions we're receiving from extended family and once I knew what the reason was I was devastated that my husband's family would believe this spiteful woman. They said they didn't care what she said, but still.. funny how our relationships just drifted apart over the years since then. Our subsequent adoption of three children went unnoticed and although that was pretty much expected, it still is hurtful. I wish I could say it will get better, but sometimes it just doesn't. I do believe that it is their loss not to be involved with these great kids and not to have playmates for their kids....it's definitely better for my children not to be exposed to such negative thinking. As a footnote: this particular sister-in-law who started all the trouble ended up being divorced out of the family and has just recently adopted an infant with her 3rd husband - maybe she'll be revisited by some of her own negative thinking family members!!

Permalink 07/01/07 @ 09:06

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