As a birth mother who was highly displeased with her unethical experience, I've never received such a letter. HA! That said, I don't think J & D have either because of their dissatisfaction with the agency. I'm curious if they only send such letters to their clients who were truly pleased with their experience or if they just blanket their address book. Interesting topic. I'm throwing this in the E-mag for next week in hopes that you'll continue to get some quality responses.

You did not really talk about the concept that by asking for donations, perhaps the agency is trying to keep over all fees low, and in turn take a more ethical approach to the cost end of adoption. Hopefully they are also asking other sources like local benefactors, businesses and community, as well as having fund-raisers and events. The agency who our son's first mom was using to make a placement plan sends us those kind of letters, but they also accept help in the form of donations for the mothers who live in their housing and are parenting and attending their training/parenting programs. We have taken things the moms need, like clothing, household supplies, bibles (they requested), toys, formula and other things to stock their pantry for parenting moms. I think if costs to maintain an adoption agency are less dependent on those people waiting to adopt, and more with those who have successfully adopted (or who have placed and are pleased with the services they received) fees would stay lower and maybe even be more ethical. A huge part of the trouble we see now is due to desperate to adopt couples, who will pay any amount asked to adoption agencies who know it and often use it to their financial gain. To many agencies rely on that type of structure, and higher fees are charged those adopting because the agency depends on it. Unfortunately this also means those agencies troll the world of expectant moms for babies to place to meet their budget demands (can we say coercion running rampant here?) Couples who wish to adopt are also being turned down not because of their character, but their income. Not only does that attitude contribute to mothers being coerced (because they might be poorer) but it implies that only wealthy potential adoptive couples should adopt. Sadly that is pretty much the way things already stand. I am one who would love to see adoption agencies totally funded by donations and adoption costs to prospective parents only being those of the legal fees needed.

Our agency is a little different in that they offer a sliding scale for adoptive parents, and a lot of support for unplanned pregnancies, regardless of whether or not the mother is interested in adoption. Up until last year, they ran a residency program as well--but the expenses became too high. It made me really sad to see that program go--that program really illustrated how the agency supported moms and babies (without pressuring for placement). We get letters from them quarterly, and they have a huge gala once a year to raise about $100k. For the services they provide, their budget is modest,and I know that the $$ goes back into the programs they offer. I try to donate when we can. You could always ask for an annual report/budget if your wondering where the fundraising is going... I guess it goes along with colleges asking for alumni support and things like that--groups are going to tap their current supporters/enthusiasts before going out and trying to rally new money.

Hmmm...I never gave it a second thought. I guess if I felt the way you do, I'd react the same way to the letters I get from my high school, college and grad school asking for money. I guess the key words are "feel a responsibility." I don't "feel a responsibility" toward any of them. However, I do believe I have a charitable obligation in this life and I get certain tax benefits from making charitable contributions. So when deciding where I'll contribute, it's natural that I'd lean toward organizations that have blessed me in some way.