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I am curious about how fellow adoptive parents feel about receiving fundraising letters from adoption agencies. We periodically receive letters from the agency that handled my son’s adoption, telling us about financial woes and asking for financial support. The letters talk about how many children now have homes thanks to them and say that they need more financial support in order to continue finding homes for more children.
I have mixed feelings about those letters and, from what I have seen, I am not alone in this. On the one hand, I support their efforts to find homes for children, particularly because this agency is very active in finding homes for children who are living in orphanages all over the world. However, we paid five figures to adopt our son, and those adopting through the international adoption program pay even more than we did. While we are extremely grateful to have our son in our family and gladly paid the adoption fee, it seems like we should be done paying by now. Know what I mean?
This particular agency is a very ethical one, and I applaud them for that. They bend over backward to make sure the expecting mother does not feel pressured to place her baby for adoption, and they even offer free parenting classes for expecting mothers who choose to parent. They also offer free lifetime counseling for all birthmothers who have placed babies through their agency. Somebody has to pay for those expenses, but when does that stop becoming my responsibility?
I guess I would feel differently if adoptions were less expensive, but it seems like an adoption agency should be able to make ends meet when each placement costs the same amount as a new car. It seems odd to me to be asking for more money from families who have already gone into debt to adopt their children. At some point, the adoptive families need to focus on paying for the children they have and setting aside funds for college and such.
How do you feel about this? Should adoptive couples feel a responsibility toward financially supporting an adoption agency after the adoption is finalized? Or should adoption agencies find other ways to finance their efforts?
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Photo Credit: Lynda Bernhardt
As a birth mother who was highly displeased with her unethical experience, I’ve never received such a letter. HA! That said, I don’t think J & D have either because of their dissatisfaction with the agency. I’m curious if they only send such letters to their clients who were truly pleased with their experience or if they just blanket their address book.
Interesting topic. I’m throwing this in the E-mag for next week in hopes that you’ll continue to get some quality responses.
You did not really talk about the concept that by asking for donations, perhaps the agency is trying to keep over all fees low, and in turn take a more ethical approach to the cost end of adoption. Hopefully they are also asking other sources like local benefactors, businesses and community, as well as having fund-raisers and events. The agency who our son’s first mom was using to make a placement plan sends us those kind of letters, but they also accept help in the form of donations for the mothers who live in their housing and are parenting and attending their training/parenting programs. We have taken things the moms need, like clothing, household supplies, bibles (they requested), toys, formula and other things to stock their pantry for parenting moms. I think if costs to maintain an adoption agency are less dependent on those people waiting to adopt, and more with those who have successfully adopted (or who have placed and are pleased with the services they received) fees would stay lower and maybe even be more ethical. A huge part of the trouble we see now is due to desperate to adopt couples, who will pay any amount asked to adoption agencies who know it and often use it to their financial gain. To many agencies rely on that type of structure, and higher fees are charged those adopting because the agency depends on it. Unfortunately this also means those agencies troll the world of expectant moms for babies to place to meet their budget demands (can we say coercion running rampant here?) Couples who wish to adopt are also being turned down not because of their character, but their income. Not only does that attitude contribute to mothers being coerced (because they might be poorer) but it implies that only wealthy potential adoptive couples should adopt. Sadly that is pretty much the way things already stand. I am one who would love to see adoption agencies totally funded by donations and adoption costs to prospective parents only being those of the legal fees needed.
Our agency is a little different in that they offer a sliding scale for adoptive parents, and a lot of support for unplanned pregnancies, regardless of whether or not the mother is interested in adoption. Up until last year, they ran a residency program as well–but the expenses became too high. It made me really sad to see that program go–that program really illustrated how the agency supported moms and babies (without pressuring for placement).
We get letters from them quarterly, and they have a huge gala once a year to raise about $100k. For the services they provide, their budget is modest,and I know that the $$ goes back into the programs they offer. I try to donate when we can.
You could always ask for an annual report/budget if your wondering where the fundraising is going…
I guess it goes along with colleges asking for alumni support and things like that–groups are going to tap their current supporters/enthusiasts before going out and trying to rally new money.
Hmmm…I never gave it a second thought. I guess if I felt the way you do, I’d react the same way to the letters I get from my high school, college and grad school asking for money.
I guess the key words are “feel a responsibility.” I don’t “feel a responsibility” toward any of them. However, I do believe I have a charitable obligation in this life and I get certain tax benefits from making charitable contributions. So when deciding where I’ll contribute, it’s natural that I’d lean toward organizations that have blessed me in some way.