When we chose to adopt, we were not looking to adopt a child with a special need. If I had become pregnant, I would not have drunk alcohol or smoked, I would have taken prenatal vitamins from the very beginning, and I would have eaten more nutritiously than I ever have in my life. While this would not have guaranteed a healthy child, the odds would have been in my favor. Instead, even though we adopted what we thought would be a healthy child, we wound up parenting a child with a special need (two actually!).

There are no guarantees that any child is going to grow up without a special need. However, the odds are higher that you will wind up parenting a child with a special need if you adopt because of the very nature of adoption. So many factors can affect a growing fetus in the very early weeks of pregnancy. Since birthmothers are not trying to conceive, they are not going to be aware that they are pregnant until the fetus has been growing for at least a few weeks. Therefore, most adopted children will not have had prenatal vitamins and a “perfect” nutritional balance during their first few weeks of existence.

SPONSOR

Regardless of why, my son has paid the price through his health, struggling with both asthma and Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). I did not sign on to parent a child with special needs, but that is exactly what I am doing.

Am I bitter? No. How could I be? His birthmother enabled me to become a mother, and I will always be grateful to her for this. I also recognize that this was not her “fault.” What I feel is sadness that my son could not have grown in my own body and been spared a lifetime of asthma and ADHD. I wish I could have protected his body before birth in the same way that I have since he was two days old. But I had no power, and I have to accept this.

Even though I did not “choose” to adopt a child with special needs, I have risen to the occasion, and I have done a very good job in meeting his special needs. Parenting throws all sorts of challenges your way – some that you can see coming, and some that you cannot. As parents, we have to learn to rise to the challenge and meet our child’s needs, whatever those needs turn out to be.

If you have a child with special needs, be sure to check out the Parenting Special Kids blog. I have found that blog to be enormously helpful as I have learned how to meet my son’s special needs. That blog has helped me to feel less alone and to know that other people understand what I am going through when the special needs get to be particularly challenging.

Related Topics:

• Do all Post Institutionalized Children have special needs?



• Parenting Special Kids blog