Comments on: Does Adoptive Father = Trust Fund?

By: Faith Allen

Faith Allen — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 12:40:56 +0000

Yes, you are correct about that. Workaholism is actually a compulsion to avoid feelings and emotions (like alcoholism or other dependencies), but it is viewed as heroic rather than a problem. It is not about money. That is why they keep going back.

- Faith

By: John

John — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 04:45:28 +0000

You have a realistic solution. The workaholic problem is another dimension. Folks that I have known with that issue seem likely to keep going back to their comfort level even if they temporarily cut back. Good luck on a difficult issue. John

By: Faith Allen

Faith Allen — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 23:52:21 +0000

What is your solution to the dad that works 60 hours a week, quit? Take a large pay cut and work 40 hours a week to have more time with the kids? It sounds like your solution is 60 hours a week and do more with the kids. What are you willing to give up from a redeuced budget so that your husband can work less hours?

In my personal situation -- Yes, I have asked my husband multiple times to change jobs and/or cut down his hours to 40 hours a week. I would gladly make adjustments to the family budget.

In fact, I proposed that he cut down to part-time -- work 4 days a week and then take Fridays off as his own personal day. Because he is one of the bosses, this is an option in his line of work and with this particular job. He won't do it because he is a workaholic, and it has nothing to do with our spending. We are both pretty miserly and save a good portion of his paycheck.

- Faith

By: John

John — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 23:51:59 +0000

Faith, handing off the child is what you are posting about. Obviously, kids can be a burden, you are talking about needing a break, if they aren’t a burden, why do you need the break? A little dose of reality here, single parents do 100% of the parenting, they survive just fine. 90% is a lot, but not record setting. What is your solution to the dad that works 60 hours a week, quit? Take a large pay cut and work 40 hours a week to have more time with the kids? It sounds like your solution is 60 hours a week and do more with the kids. What are you willing to give up from a redeuced budget so that your husband can work less hours? Parenting is hard work, but work is hard work too. 24 hours on duty and he gets the kids the instant he walks through the door, not even a 30 minute break? Wow. John

By: Jenna Hatfield

Jenna Hatfield — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 15:48:56 +0000

(In short, great post, Faith.)

By: Jenna Hatfield

Jenna Hatfield — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 15:48:22 +0000

I’m a WAHM. My Husband works 24 hours on and then has 48 hours off as a professional fire fighter. You can bet that when he comes home at 7:30am on that morning, I’m handing him one or two children and taking a shower and then getting some work done before lunch that day. I am neither juvenile or viewing either boy as a burden. My husband can be called out at any time he is home (such as during Christmas Eve dinner… sigh…) and that’s just the way it is. So, if I get a chance for a shower and enough time to edit some work, well then, I’m thrilled beyond measure.

Of course, I write this with one child on my lap and another sitting on my feet playing with trains as my Husband takes HIS shower. Families are good times!

By: fenyimom

fenyimom — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 12:38:46 +0000

I didn’t mean that the father shouldn’t be involved with his kids. But if his job doesn’t end at 5pm, Mom’s job doesn’t either. Unless she believes that they can make do without that paycheck rolling in every two weeks, which would definitely be the case with my co-workers if they refused to take these calls and work these issues. They can always find other jobs that don’t require oncall work, but if their skills are all tuned for this work, and there aren’t a lot of other opportunities out there, you sometimes have to make do with what you can get. I know that several of the men that were on my team in this situation had been laid off from their prior jobs, and were pretty thankful that they had any job at all. But their wives didn’t seem to see it that way.