This is the first site I’ve turned to since having my two new girls with us… I am a single mother and have an 8 year old daughter and now have my two “newbies.”

They are in my care via a fostering situation in which I will be adopting.

E and S are 5 and 2. E was severely abused and they both have enormous tantrums. I have known them since July of last year… Long story short… I have been bruised screamed at, you name it since before they arrived. And I love them dearly I really do.

I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your transparency. There is no honeymoon here as we already know each other, etc.

I’m concerned about my 8 year old and the effect this is having on her. My heart aches over this so much… I have been trying to train her up in the dear and admonition of the Lord, but I know it is easier to pull someone down than to lift them up. Yesterday, I found notes she and E had written that were words that shocked me (for my 8 year old). They were joking when they wrote it, but its not how my daughter has ever joked… ever. Also, she has said a few times this week that she wants it back to the way it was with just she and I. I realize this is probably normal at this point, but it breaks my heart for her. Additionally, my other two are used to hitting and hurting each other and whomever. My daughter isn’t and has been hurt a few times now. Not badly, but enough for the tears to fall pretty hard. I can’t help but be scared that I am hurting my daughter by bringing in these two new little ones… I know she loves them. She misses them when they are not here and giggles and laughs and plays with them so much. But these other times SCARE me… Does anyone have experience with this?

Also, the behavior of the 5 year old is bad enough that a group home was considered by her former fosters parents (two women) and also by some of the staff of the various agencies. She does do much better with us. And it has only been just over a week that she has moved in completely. (We used to have her a great deal). But “better” isn’t good by a long shot… She has gone through the peeing/pooping/stealing (hording) thing before she came to us, but the lying is out of this world. As are the tantrums…

I am a Christian and have always used the numerous biblical methods for child rearing. All of them in balance. And God’s Word is true! But, as they are my foster children, I cannot spank. I REALLY want to know what effective methods of discipline are used by others in my shoes.
Time outs are somewhat useless. I am exasperated every single day, many times over, but at the end of each day and many, many times throughout, I feel so deeply blessed… What an understatement! But I really need more tools… and especially prayers. Please let me know if you have any thoughts!

This is my first time on here as I think I stated… I’m desperate for tools – bottom line

Thanks so much!

Hannah_Rae: It wasn’t too hard to set them, but *sticking* to them *was* hard