Another way I teach my child discipline is by encouraging him to do for himself whenever possible. I am a big fan of Maria Montessori, who saw that enabling a child to do for himself is a gift to the child. Most children want to feel like a productive member of a group. (Some children who have suffered abuse are an exception.)

Some older adopted children, particularly those suffering from Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), might resist taking responsibility for themselves, but learning this skill is crucial to growing into a well-adjusted adult. The more an adopted child can do for himself, the more confident he will become.

My son has been dressing himself since he was three years old. In fact, he was not yet potty-trained (that is another very long story), so he was responsible for taking off his dirty pull-up, wiping himself, and putting on a new one. I bought him Velcro shoes that he could put on by himself. I bought him pants without zippers or snaps and pull-on shirts so that he could be 100% responsible for dressing himself. Now that he is six, he has moved on to other types of fasteners. He takes a lot of pride in choosing his own clothes and dressing himself.

My son has been bathing himself since he was four or five. We keep his hair short, so it is easy for him to rinse out all of the shampoo without my help. He has gone through phases of preferring a bath versus a shower, but he can do every bit of the bathing himself, from turning on the water through draining the tub.

You can set up your house to enable your child to do more for himself. I keep healthy snacks and drinks at a child's level so my son does not need me to wait on him if he gets hungry or thirsty. My son can reach the leash so he can walk the dog in the morning. (We have a fenced in backyard, so I do not worry about the dog getting away.) I bought my son a child's size carpet sweeper so he can vacuum any messes he makes on the carpet. My son is very proud of how much he can do for himself, leading him to be more responsible, which is what discipline is all about.

When your child can do more for himself around the house, he feels like he is a part of the family rather than a dependent who must always be taken care of. This can be especially helpful for an older adopted child who needs reassurance that he is, in fact, a part of this family and not just a house guest. As he begins taking pride in doing for himself, becoming more responsible around the house naturally follows.

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