When people talk about discipline, I often see polar opposites clashing. On one side of the ring, we have the "spare the rod and spoil the child" camp who believe that spanking is the only correct form of punishment. They point to the Bible in support of this position, and they believe that any child who is a disciplinary problem just needs a "good whoopin'." These people often talk about how their parents would tell them to go pick out a stick for their spanking, just like their grandparents and great-grandparents did. On the other side of the ring, you have the people who label any form of negative physical contact as child abuse. Even one gentle swat on a hand reaching for a hot stove is seen as abusive. Who is right?

I believe that, as with most issues in life, the answer falls somewhere in the middle. I can think of few examples of situations in which I agree with an extremist point of view, and discipline tools are no exception. I am not going to judge the mother who effectively swats her toddler on the bottom one time to stop him from darting out into the street. I would rather see her swat his bottom than bury him. However, I do believe there are far too many people who rely on spanking as a primary discipline tool that simply is not working. No one who is spanking a child several times a week is using an effective discipline tool: If it was effective, then there would not be a need for so much repetition. Using any ineffective discipline tool repeatedly will only frustrate both you and your child.

Whenever we are using any particular discipline tool frequently, we need to question its effectiveness in changing our child's behavior. For example, my son's teacher told me that my son's name was on the board "many, many" times for silent lunch. The fact that my son was having to eat silent lunches for a week or two told me that this method of discipline was not working to change his behavior. If it was, then he would not have to keep having it imposed. She agreed and has changed tactics, which are reaping better results.

As with most things in life, balance is the key. Try not to get too caught up in being in any one camp when is comes to discipline, or you risk removing an effective discipline tool from your toolbox. When you have a child like mine, you need all the tools you can get!

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Discipline posts on Adoptive Parenting blog

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