I’ve had some people ask about the topic of chores and how they work in such a large family. I’m a strong believer in the importance of chores for my children, including adopted children. They are a daily part of our family – yes for ALL 20 of the children still at home.

Everyone has chores - everyone. When an adopted child arrives in the family, they get chores on their first full day of being with us. (In the beginning, I would wait, thinking the child needed adjustment time first. It turned out to be the opposite. They needed to know they were included in our family right from the start.). By 18mos old, kids are on the chore list, believe it or not. It's part of belonging in the family. (Yeah, 18mos chore is "help put your book on the shelf" or something like that...but everyone is on there.)

I assign the chores so that they can be completed in 30minutes or so. If a fast worker does the job quickly and well, the chore can easily be done in 15-20min. If you piddle around, it can take as long as you want it to, I suppose. Some of my resistant children have had their chore last a VERY long time. (We have methods for handling the severely oppositional, but this blog gives the more “basic info”.)

The schedule for every day after school looks like this:
1) Snack
2) Chores
3) Bedroom cleanup
4) Homework
5) Your time for rest of day (except meal help or cleanup if asked)

The chores are listed on one sheet of paper that is posted on the refrigerator. Most of the time, each child is assigned only one chore (sometimes those can be "big chores" - generally tailored to ability levels, maturity and emotional readiness of each kid). The biggest chores, like "kitchen" are assigned to 3 kids at once. I love to give them chances to work together and work out the issues that go along with it all. (I am not opposed to children working several different chores, or breaking bigger chores into several smaller ones, but this way works for our family.)

Chore lists get changed every _____. We used to do it weekly - then monthly. I changed the schedule to "whenever mom makes a new one" -- can be a week, can be a couple of months. But, with the kids not knowing when the schedule is going to change, they don't get upset if it isn't done on time and I get to relax a little bit over the “new chart responsibility”. (If I say we will have new assignments in 7 days and it turns out to take 8 days, my kids can NOT deal with that. In their minds, I have not kept my promise. I've become a liar then, they can no longer trust me for anything at all, and their anxiety levels go through the roof.)

IF a child never figured out how to do a decent job on your chore before I change the list, I will leave you in the same spot, with the same chore, until you get it right. Matt has been on "downstairs bathroom" for almost 6 months now! (He KNOWS how to do it, he has the ability, he’s choosing to be oppositional.)

So, there you have the extended version of how a routine family experience has evolved to include adopted children, children with mental illness or behavioral disorders, and all within a very large family.

I would love to hear from you if you've got a different method that works or any experiences??