One of the things that doesn't seem to generate much attention when discussing adoption issues is the importance that choice plays in the decision. When we seek to expand our families through adoption there are a wide range of choices available to us. Open adoption. Closed adoption. Older child. Younger child. Infant. Special needs child. Healthy child. Foreign adoption. Domestic adoption. Boy? Girl? Hair color? Complexion? Physical? appeal? By and large these are things we actually get to mull over and decide. Some parents may choose not to choose and accept whatever fate bestows upon them in the same way that some birthparents do.

One of the reasons I chose not to add to my family by giving birth to another baby was because of my age. I did not want to risk having a child with special needs and abortion would not have been an option had preliminary testing indicated Downs Syndrome or some other genetic abnormality. Also, I really wanted to have a daughter and there was no guarantee that was going to happen if I had chosen to give birth to another baby. So adoption became our route to adding to our family. Once that decision was made, we immediately ruled out aopting an infant because all of a sudden that choice was available to us. My husband was really insistent that we not adopt a child still in diapers, because all of a sudden that choice was available to us. As most of you know we adopted not one, but two little girls. Again, that was a choice we compromised on. Our youngest daughter was not fully toilet trained, but I took care of that in one day (she was almost four years old! that is another post for another time).

Some people feel that the range of choice in adoption somehow taints the emotionality of the experience. I have not found that to be the case, but I guess I can understand how it could appear that way. Especially in circumstances like the one I read about in this article today where a family was awarded almost a half million dollars by a judge because they were misled about the circumstances of the birth of their twin boys, whom subsequently manifested severe developmental delays. It was the parents' position that they never would have adopted the boys had they been told the truth about the complications surrounding their birth histories. Their choice was tampered with and as a result the lives of everyone in the family were set on a trajectory that they did not knowingly sign on for. I completely understand and respect their feelings.

There are birthparents of special needs children who would not choose to parent a special needs child, but if the decision is made for them by what they presume is biological fate or Divine destiny, they will figure it all out, love will grow, and they will set about the business of doing they best that they can for their child. If, however, it is discovered that medical neglect is what set them on the course to enduring their circumstances, they will most likely seek legal remedy. If the courts find in their favor it sends a message to the medical profession that they will be held accountable. Adoptive parents should do the same when they are misled about the children they adopt and the results are tragic as was the case for the couple in the article. When the courts find in the favor of families such as this one it sends a message to adoption agencies that they will be held accountable.