If kids live in a two parent family, it is important that both parents are actively involved in parenting the child.

As parents we can tend to fall into ruts and have one parent be the primary caregiver and disciplinarian, while the other parent is the “fun” parent. It is unfair to both parents and to the child. It upsets the parent/child relationship and can cause triangulation between the parents and child. Not that some of this isn’t normal. We all had someone in our lives that would tell us yes after mom or dad said no.

I have five weekends through the year where I leave and go to a bible study class with several friends. These weekends are important to me for many reasons, but they are mentally and spiritually renewing. My daughter, Hannah, at first was reluctant about these weekends and missed me while I was gone. She questioned when I would be home and watched anxiously for me. I am now in my third year of classes and she looks forward to my weekends away. These are her “Daddy weekends.”

In the morning she climbs in bed with my husband for cuddle time. Most times they go out to breakfast, lunch and dinner. My husband hates to cook and Hannah knows this. She gets to eat out, which is one of her favorite things. Daddy lets her watch T.V. more than I normally do and she works it for every minute she can. However, Daddy also has to do any and all discipline while I am gone. Normally I am the one that handles the discipline so it is good for her to have these times of being disciplined while I am nowhere around.

My husband has also taken Hannah to “guy things” and Hannah has enjoyed them because she spends time with her dad. They have gone to car shows, sports events and other things that do not fit with her normal girly attitude, but the time with Daddy is what is important to her.

Conversely, since I am normally the disciplinarian I sometimes make it a point to have a “fun” day with Hannah. I buy her a doughnut for breakfast, camp out with a movie, or go shopping. I relax the rules a little bit and we goof around a lot.

Both parents taking on the role of being playful and authoritative is something that our kids need to see. Most of our kids have had a hard start to life, either in foster care, or overseas, and seeing healthy and loving relationships shows them things they may not have seen before.

If you’re normally the disciplinarian in your house, take the time to flip things around and surprise your child with a strictly fun outing. It may be just what you both need. If you are the fun parent, give your partner a break from the discipline and being the bad guy for a while. Your children will benefit from it.



Photo credit - Hannah's birthday