Adoptive Parenting, Child Parenting - Board Games and Bonding

02/08/07

Posted by : Theresa in Adoptive Parenting Blog at 07:05 pm , 535 words, 246 views
Categories: Bonding

10 Reasons why board games can be a great bonding tool with older kids:

Fun is the goal! There are times in our attachment attempts with older kids that we might get stuck in a rut of negativity. At these times, a “fun boost” is necessary to spark continued bonding.

Again, the goal is to have fun. The goal is not to “complete a task”, show obedience or compliance, learn a skill that the child knows he is deficient in, etc. Without feeling these pressures, the child can adult can put their focus on having fun and getting to know each other.

The BONUS is that playing a game together actually does ALL of the above (#2) without being obvious at all!

Board games help the child to work on being rewarded for listening and following rules. They give the parents an opportunity to offer positive feedback for these things. Sometimes, children resist positive feedback, perhaps feeling they don’t deserve it. The “neutral setting” of the game seems to somehow make it acceptable.

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No talking required. If your teen isn’t the talkative type, this is a bonus for him!

If talking is required, it’s at the request of the board or a drawn card – not at specific request of parent. This makes it much less threatening, yet helps to open up verbal interaction a little at a time in a non-threatening way.

Improves social skills. These help the child outside of the home, of course, But, in the family, improved social skills go a LONG way to positive interactions and…..more bonding.

Age deficits – many older adopted children never got much of a chance to have little children lives, with little children developmental activities. Playing games can help with some of those developmental skills that might be lost. It can help even more if you can get the child to play one of the games we actually think of as little kid games. You can sneak this in if you have a younger child (or friend’s child or grandchild). I’ve often asked my older child to “help” with the younger child by helping us to teach him some of these things. “We” – older child, younger child and myself – then play a rousing game of Candy Land. Now, no way would I have interested a 12yr old in playing a “baby game” with me. But, in this other scenario, the 12yr old gets some of those younger needs met, we all increase our bonding as a family unit as well as parent/child, the little guy gets lots of attention. Everybody wins.

Time limit. Older kids are smart. They often know if you’re trying to “trick them” into some bonding they don’t want to do. This can be really hard if it seems open ended in time frame. With a board game, the child only needs to commit to a limited amount of time. Kids are more willing to take the risk that they might actually have a good time this way.