Today is a birthday day at our house!

What do you do to celebrate birthdays at your house? I’ve found that birthday traditions are an important way of bonding a family together. My adopted children, in particular, seem to respond to our birthday celebrations – once it “happens to them”, it helps to cement their belonging in our family.

Traditions bring families together. The funny thing is that it doesn’t even have to be a positive “tradition” to bring families together! Even a neutral thing that happens the same time, every time, would be a tradition – and because members of the family experience it together, it becomes something that cements their relationship to each other, something that has become a common experience for them. It doesn't have to be big or terribly exciting at all - it merely has to be something that you do as a matter of routine and that is a common experience for those involved. (Yes, 6pm dinner time counts!)

I hope that most things that my children take with them as part of growing up with and belonging to our family are positive memories and feelings. I hope that birthday celebrations are among those.

Our family’s easy birthday traditions include:

1) No chores on your birthday day.

2) Being taken out to lunch of your choice by mom/dad on your birthday, even if it’s a school day.

3) Cake and birthday song sung by the whole family; picture of you blowing out candles.

4) Three gifts. (I’m not sure how this developed. I think we had originally done it to ease anxieties of some new children. We likely told them that, regardless of behaviors, every child gets three gifts on their birthday. They didn’t have to worry about IF they would get a gift or have anxiety about the birthday – we could explain how it works here.) So, it has become a tradition – three gifts. Not two, not four, but always three. (Sometimes, if a gift is large, we make the other two gifts very small – batteries for their gift, or a candy bar, or a cool pencil. But, we work it out so that there are always three.)

I’ve watched these simple traditions bring my children closer together. I’ve seen reluctant children who, realizing we would do these traditions for them regardless of their behavior or how much we “like them”, begin to open up to the idea of being a real member of our family. It’s my birth daughter’s birthday today – and even hearing her come down the stairs this morning, calling out “Don’t anyone ask me to do a chore today! It’s my birthday!” made me smile, knowing that this birthday thing is something we seem to be doing right.

May birthdays be a joy in your families! Form traditions now so that you can enjoy them forever with your families.

Another blog on the subject: Special Days and Celebrations

Article: Birthday Celebrations