I wish we’d had more training on behavior management before accepting a foster or adoptive child. Now that I have opportunities to work with other foster and adoptive families, I hope to make that a big part of what I can share. I’m certain that more knowledge and tools can be a huge help to families working with children that have special behavioral needs. One technique that most parents have heard of is time out. Here are some thoughts and ideas on time out.

Three types of time out

1) Time out for the child

A time out is designed to remove the child from the problem behavior. The child will have a brief period of time to calm down and, hopefully, to redirect his thoughts from the problem behavior to become ready for a more appropriate behavior.

Many parents use a chair for time out. Any space that you can routinely use, however, can be effective. I’ve found it most effective to use a timer to measure the length of the time out. When I do this, the child isn’t upset with me or trying to engage me in any sort of battle. The timer now seems to have the control instead.

In most cases, a minute of time out per year of age is recommended. The time out begins when the child is sitting on the time out spot. The child must stay calm and quiet during the time out or else the time begins all over again. (For special needs children, including children with ADHD, you will need to make adjustments to this in order to make it more appropriate.)

2) Time out for the parent

Less often mentioned, but just as truly needed, are time outs for the parent. Sometimes a child can push our buttons. Sometimes we are tired or frustrated and not as easily able to help a child manage his behaviors. Sometimes, it is important to realize that we have reached a point where we are not able to best manage much of anything due to our frustrations. Just as important, we need to be willing to acknowledge our need there and to give ourselves a time out to regroup. You will need to make sure there is proper supervision for your child before your time out. I tell my child that I am taking a time out in my room for 10 minutes. When I go in, I don’t accept interruptions and I take as much as advantage as possible out of those few minutes to calm myself or talk to myself or whatever it takes to help me be the best mom I can be when I return to life outside of my room. I’ve pleasantly learned that, not only does this help me, but it sets a great example for my kids to learn how to regulate their own emotions.

3) Time IN

I LOVE time in! I use this MUCH more often than time out. Time out removes the child, isolating him for that short period of time. That does have it’s place sometimes. However, more often, I find a time in to be helpful. What is time in? It’s when the child shows me by his behavior/misbehavior that he needs more time with mom and/or being supervised by mom. So, for an amount of time, the child goes where I go and helps me with whatever I’m doing. The child doesn’t go more than 3 feet away from me for any reason (except restroom use). This modifies the child’s behavior. It allows mom to model and teach appropriate behavior. If child’s misbehavior was because he was inappropriately seeking attention, this gives him plenty of more appropriate attention. I have found this technique to be great for little ones, but especially great even for bigger kids and teenagers! Used with humor, this can be a great method for attachment, too!

More reading:
Blog about discipline with toddlers
Article about timeout