More ideas and thoughts on bedtime issues with older children:

c. Bedtime routine. Determine if this will be done before or after the set bedtime at your house. For example, if bedtime is 9pm, does that mean that all of the pre-bed routine needs to be completed before 9pm? Or does it mean that the child can begin preparations at 9pm? Being very clear cut about what the routine is and when it is expected to be completed can take a lot of hassle out of bedtime. If it seems that this is the area that your kids are getting hung up on, my recommendation for this would be a written plan. We’ve done one and posted it on the back of the restroom door or on the back of a bedroom door. Ours is very simple: pjs, teeth, hair, drink, book. Done before 9pm. For kids who still have troubles with this, we encourage them with the routine by having them put a sticker on the chart when they’ve done it all “right”. For some, a certain number of stickers might result in another earned reward of some sort, preferably related.

d. What does “bedtime” mean at your house? In some families, it means in your beds, lights out. For some, it means you can lie in your bed and read for xx minutes before lights out. I know some families for whom “bedtime” means that the child has to be in his room with the door shut and stay there, but he can do what he wishes in the room as long as he’s quiet and lets everyone else rest (and as long as he can still wake up on time in the morning). We’ve tried several methods. As most of my children share bedrooms, we use the “in your bed, lights out, everyone has a personal book light” method with moderate success. At our house, it means you don’t come back out (routinely) for drinks or potty breaks – take care of those before you go to bed. It also means that you are not to come out an hour later with a paper that you need signed for tomorrow – you need to do that sometime between the time you come home and the time you go to bed.

e. Quiet time for parents! One of the main reasons that I first set bedtimes in our family was to give ME some quiet time that I could count on. Now that the kids are familiar with the routines, they are relatively easy to carry out (note the word “relatively”). As chaotic as the day might get, I know that I will have some time, a specific time, where the house will become quiet and I can let my brain rest and think for a little bit….maybe even talk to my husband for a few minutes….or write a blog entry? But, come 10pm, I’m pretty darn stingy about my time….you could ask my kids about that, but it’s after 10p.m., which means they’re all in bed!