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While washing dishes, I overheard a few of the girls playing Barbies. One was the “Mother Barbie”. I heard “Mother” yell out to the younger Barbies: “Everyone hurry and help clean up!!! The caseworker is coming!”
To hear my daughter state “me” so plainly was enlightening. I did yell that out to the kids every time we had a home visit. We all rushed about cleaning every normal thing and a bunch of less-normal things as well. I had tons of anxiety!
I don’t know that the “pre-caseworker cleaning anxiety” is all bad. It certainly did help keep my house really tidy on a regular basis. Not that we’re pigs now, but nothing like some pressure to get things done quickly.
Since then, I’ve also worked as a licensing caseworker. Having had opportunities to enter the homes of many others hoping to foster or adopt, I’ve gained some insights. First of all, everyone is different and your caseworker doesn’t expect spotless from you. In fact, it’s frowned upon. If you have a spotless home, the worker may wonder how flexible you are to having a child’s normal toys and mess. Everyone who’s had a child knows that they are not what spotless is about! I also learned that most caseworkers don’t really look at how clean your home is as long as it’s not really dirty or smelly and there is a place for her to sit. I learned that the caseworker wants to know about YOU and your family – and not so much about being able to smell your preferred cleaning supplies.
We still do have caseworker visits, at least one per month. These visits have been a constant for us, although the caseworker characters have changed, for almost 10 years now. One major thing that has changed has been my own evolution. I’ve gradually let the anxiety go and let myself, my home and my family feel like “good enough” for a caseworker to come and visit. My “Mother Barbie” girl has grown up past Barbie age now. With my changed pre-visit expectations, I’ll bet I don’t hear the same conversation from my current Barbie aged girls. Gosh, I wonder what funny things THEY have in store for me, instead!
Maybe it’s because I’m married to a social worker, but we’ve never really worried about our home visits. We straighten up about as much as we would if one of our mothers were coming over and leave it at that.
lol that is kind of funny,
I laughed out loud at that one! Been there, going to be there again soon, so I thank you for the tips and insight into what it is that they “caseworkers” are thinking about. It is really enlightening and I can’t wait to share it with my friends!