Unfortunately, society has a stereotype about birthmothers, and that stereotype can be passed along to the adoptee. Because I adopted my son, most people assume that his birthmother had unmarried sex in her teens and was too poor to raise him herself. While this stereotype might apply to some birthmothers, there are numerous others who do not fit this profile. As a result, some people assume that all adopted children were a "product of sin" by being conceived out of the marital bed. This is not necessarily the case, and I do not want my son feeling tainted because somebody tells him that his conception was a "product of sin."

My son's birthmother does not fit the profile of a poor, unmarried teenager, but we have chosen to keep many of the specific details of her reasons for placing my son for adoption private. That is my son's personal information to share if and when he chooses to do so. However, it is hard for me to bite my tongue sometimes when people are making assumptions about my kid's history and his birthmother that simply are not true. I have to weigh out my son's privacy versus educating the general public. When it comes to this particular topic, I choose my son's privacy, but, man, that can be hard sometimes.

As far as the "product of sin" assumption goes, it surprises me that so few people recognize that married couples sometimes place their babies for adoption, too. This frequently happens in impoverished countries where the couple cannot afford to feed one more child or in countries like China with restrictions on family size. The married couple might be terminally ill. The couple might not want to parent but does not believe in abortion. The couple might never have wanted to conceive a child and learned about the pregnancy while going through divorce proceedings. The couple might have conceived very late in life and not be healthy enough to raise a child in their late forties or early fifties. The birthmother might have died in childbirth, and the birthfather did not feel able to handle single parenting.

There are so many reasons that people place children for adoption that do not fit into the poor, unmarried teenager stereotype, yet that stereotype persists. Maintaining your child's privacy can really make it hard to break the stereotype.

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Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt