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Have you been accused of spoiling your adopted baby? Most adoptive families wait a long time for their baby. Many times, we are older than typical families. This may be because we may have tried to have children for several years before deciding on adoption. Of course if we waited until we were older we probably also have more time and money than younger parents still in their 20s. All of this adds up to a baby that is very much wanted, appreciated, loved, and yes, spoiled. I don’t think spoiling your adopted baby is a bad thing. That is if you are spoiling the child with attention, love, games, and social interaction.
Of course, I don’t agree with allowing a child to become a demanding tyrant. By spoiling, I don’t mean catering to the adopted child’s every whim. I admit to doing that sometimes, though. We waited 14 years for our baby daughter. During the wait, we had several infant girl placements that we thought were going to be our daughter. Each one left, for one reason or another. The most difficult was a baby that stayed for 18 months named Lily.
We finally decided to pursue private adoption. We matched with a birthmother in May and our daughter was placed with us the day she was born in July 2006. Since we were in our early 40s, we were no longer struggling financially as many young families do. We already owned every piece of baby furniture, toys, and accessories a baby could ever need. Everyone in our family was waiting expectantly for our daughter’s arrival. From the minute she came home, she was rarely put down. Her older siblings had to create a schedule to take turns.
I have been accused many times of spoiling our baby daughter. That’s ok though. Because she is cute, funny, confident, and really smart. I understand that much of that is genetic. However, it is also from consistently having her needs met in a loving, positive manner by people she has grown to trust and love.
Photo Credit Julia Fuller 2007
Thank You, I echo your thoughts.
We received a daughter through the miracle of adoption in November of 06. I too am weary of comments from church nursery workers & parents of multiple children regarding the attention we give our beloved daughter. We are able to provide not only “things” but undivided attention. We took great care to make sure we attached with her when she was a tiny infant & perhaps we continue to work on that! More power to you….our children need our time & attention everyday.
ahhhh, personally I find your perspective to be a first time mommy of a new baby thing and not much to do with the actual realities of adopting a baby or child. Having given birth twice, and adopting siblings age 1 and 5 at the time… I can assure you that WE all want to spoil our children especially when they are cute little babies.
I do hope you understand that your blog post is now being pointed out on other websites as an example of naive and over generalizing…