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I cannot remember where I heard or read this, but I have heard it said that adopted children are less likely to leave the home when they turn eighteen. They are also supposedly less likely to leave town to go to college or take a job. Instead, they are more likely to live at home while attending a local college or get a job closer to their adoptive parents’ home.
I tried to find this article on the Internet but was not successful, so I must have read it in a book somewhere. I am not saying that this premise is true. I just thought this was an interesting topic to discuss.
The author speculated that adopted children were less likely to move away because of abandonment issues from the adoption. Having already lost one set of parents, adoptees want to be closer to their adoptive parents. So, the author believed that the decision to live closer to the adoptive parents as an adult was based upon insecurity.
I do not know that I buy this argument. It seems like there could be many reasons for adult children to move farther away versus wanting to stay closer to home. I grew up in an extremely dysfunctional family, so I wanted to move as far away as possible. It had nothing to do with my security level in never having been abandoned. In my particular situation, abandonment would have been a blessing…but that is a whole different story.
A person could argue that an adult adoptee might choose to live closer to her adoptive parents because they have such a good, close relationship that she values and wants her parents in her life on a regular basis. I see nothing wrong with that decision. If the decision to live close by is based upon being content in a loving relationship, then why is that an issue?
I would love to hear from adoptive parents whose children are grown or from adult adoptees who are reading this blog. Has it been your experience that adopted children are more likely to live closer to their parents after they turn eighteen? If so, what do you think the underlying reason for this is?
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Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
I don’t quite understand why there would even be any kind of expectation of a child moving out at 18. Sure, the kid is legally an adult. But for many it is just a number. My siblings and friends all lived at home until we completed college (lived in a college town). Most of us then moved out when we got real jobs after college that could support us. Beat taking out student loans or expecting our parents to fork out the money for dorm life.
Do you count going away to college as moving out at 18? Because I don’t know many 18 year olds who “move out” at 18 unless they go away to school. But then they come home on breaks, including the summer and also upon graduation. Are there really alot of kids who at 18 are fully ready to live on their own? Or parents who are so unhappy with their child that they make them leave?
None of mine were anywhere near ready to move out at 18, and none wanted to. They did have non-adopted friends who did though, usually resulting in a fairly quick return. My theory is that our kids have known both a highly dysfunctional scary family life and a safe normal life. They know which one they want and are very aware that they did not get all of the years they should have had. No one takes anyone for granted in an adoption, each day is special. This is a very un-scientific analysis (in other words, its pure opinion). John