Lately my daughter has been very clingy and showing signs of anxious attachment. I thought I would delve into what anxious attachment looks like for us, how it shows itself and discuss it in general. It seems that with most of her behaviors that you could say “ well that is typical for any toddler”, don’t most toddlers go through this phase? While that may be true, the anxiety a PI child shows is quite different or at least I suppose it’s different than the clinginess a homegrown child exhibits. The anxiety that my daughter seems to experience is less about object permanence that a homegrown child may experience and more about a true and real grieving that you may not return. Think about it, we took her from her caregivers, one day they were all she knew and the next she was with us. Think about how scary that must be for a child.


Livi’s attachment has been disrupted several times in her short life. So what do I mean by anxious? She is attaching but seems to be fearful and guarded. She demands my attention constantly by crying “ Mama Huggie me”, she wants to be on me and near me but on her terms, for example she wants to be on my lap but will refuse eye contact. She rages if I leave her to go and cook dinner, answer the phone, get the mail. When we have company or visitors the following day she is extra anxious and may have night terrors. I have been told that this is a good sign, a fork in the road so to speak. That often after this anxious stage comes a more secure and newfound path on our road to attachment. I’m looking forward to more secure days and In the meantime I’m trying to offer her the reassurance that she needs. What's your experience with anxious attachment? any tips or tricks? is this a phase? do some children remain anxious?





http://www.adopting.org/weidmanAttachment.html

Image credit