Most of my children came to our family at older ages. In 24 adoption situations, we have never adopted a newborn. Our youngest adopted child was 3 and our oldest adopted child was 17. The rest of the children’s ages are in between the two.

Many of my children have not come to us as their first or even second adoptive family. We’ve adopted many children who have disrupted from their initial adoptions. With this, many of our children have very difficult behaviors and emotional disabilities when they arrive through our front door.

What do they all have in common?? A need for parents who understand ALL of their “parts”, as I talked about in a previous blog.

First of all, I have learned to understand that all of my adopted children, regardless of their situation, are angry. Some are, of course, more angry than others. But, they all have anger and loss issues. You should have been here last week to see the face of one of my very angry 14 year old daughters. She is our most recent adopted child, being here only about 5 months. She is also one of our most angry adopted children. Last week, she listened closely while I explained to another girl how and why I EXPECT children coming through my door to have problems with anger and loss. If they don’t, then I worry that they aren’t dealing with their own reality. If they do, I know that they are and we might have a shot at helping them through their other problems. (I’m sure there are exceptions to this. However, I’ve had not experience with them through my 24 adopted children and 25+ older foster children.) This girl’s face first registered great shock at what I was saying. It was clear that she’d not heard before that it might even be expected that she be as angry as we all already knew that she was. Then there seemed a gradual spread of relief over her tired, yet beautiful, face. It was a small moment, but significant. She knew and I knew. Maybe we can start working from here? Embracing and accepting not only their anger and sadness, but all of their “parts” as necessary and wonderful in creating them, our most loved children.