Many discussions have taken place about all of the “players” in an adopted child’s story. There are birth parents, adoptive parents, possibly foster parents. In the case of many of my children, there are even previous adoptive parents. There might be siblings in the birth family, siblings in the adopted family, and/or siblings in foster families. There may be many different sets of grandparents as well (or even going on to include aunts/uncles and cousins).

Today, I was reminded of yet another person that might be involved in a child’s adoption story. I got a phone message from a lady in another state. She is an adoptive mother. Her adopted daughter is the birth sibling to three of my adopted children. (The birth mother of these children has 10 or more birth children. She is not currently parenting any and, from my understanding, they’ve each been adopted by separate families. I have her 2nd, 3rd, and 4th, children.)

In considering all of the members of my children’s complete family story, I’d not spent much time thinking about their other birth siblings who have been adopted by other families AND the adoptive parents of those children as well. Yet, of course they must be included. Every one has a role to play.

In a sense, the lady that called today (the mother of the birth sister) and myself are co-parenting. We both parent children born to the same mother. Our children will forever be brothers and sisters to each other. It’s up to us, this lady and I, to determine what that might look like for our kids. There is shared parenting, in many forms, that must occur between myself and this woman I’ve never met.

I would love for the children to meet. What will she think about that?

In another situation, my adopted child’s birth sister spends time each summer with our family. I wonder what this other mom might think about ideas like that? Would they even be possible?

I wonder what her child looks like. She shares a birth mother with my children, but has a different birth father than they do. My children are very dark skinned. I’ve heard from an old therapist we used (who’d actually seen them several years before – weird, huh?) that this older sister is very pale skinned and red-haired. I can’t imagine it. Yet, I’d love to see it and for my children to see what their sister looks like. Will this other mom be open to sharing photos?

I’ve never met the birth parents of my children. It’s a source of some sadness for me. I can’t share with my children any interactions between their birth mom and myself. I can’t tell them what she looks like. I wonder if their sister or if her adoptive mother have any memories or photos?

My adopted children have some “issues”. I don’t know if these might be genetic or learned. I wonder if knowing more about a birth sibling might lend some insight. I wonder if the other adoptive mother is wondering the same thing.

The Family of Adoption is quite large…and only seems to get larger, the more aware I become. Working together for “our” shared child is the ultimate goal. I’m hoping that our meetings with this other mom and a sister might serve to help all of these amazing kids.

Other related blogs:
Our Many Parts
Adopting the Life of Your Child
10 Things I Love About Adoption