Get any group of mothers together, and the working mom versus stay-at-home mom debate is likely to rear its ugly head. Being adoptive parents only digs us more firmly into one “side” or the other. On one side, we have adoptive parents saying that they waited so long to be parents that they want one parent at home with the child. On the other side, we have adoptive parents who have either depleted their savings account or are knee deep in debt to pay for the adoption, so they say that both must work for financial stability. Which is side is “right”?

I used to be a “stay-at-home mom snob.” My husband and I knew that we wanted me at home once we had children, and we made this decision long before we went through fertility treatments or the adoption process. It was setting up our finances to live off one income that enabled us to afford the adoption in the first place. However, I have come to realize that one size does not fit all, and each of us must make the decision that is best for his or her family.

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I know some working moms who are completely at peace with their decision. I know others who desperately want to stay at home but cannot afford to lose the income. I know working moms who try to juggle work and children by telecommuting from a home office. These women seem to be the most exhausted because, in many ways, they are constantly trying to do two jobs at once.

My heart breaks whenever I hear a woman lamenting that she is not where she wants to be in her life, whether that is staying at home or returning to work. It is particularly sad to watch a woman who desperately wants to be at home but cannot do so.

Assuming you want to stay at home, is working outside of the home worth the extra money? In some cases, you might actually come out ahead by leaving your job behind. I found an interesting Second Income Calculator to help you determine if you are truly coming out ahead by having a second income. In some cases, by the time you factor in childcare, extra taxes, and commuting expenses (among others), your family will actually make more money if you drop the second income.

However, this decision does not always boil down to dollars and cents. I plugged in the numbers for my part-job of blogging, which has no overhead or extra expenses since my commute is to my home office, and I am allowed to work in my bunny slippers. It turns out that I am costing our family $45 a year to blog.

You know what? It is totally worth it to me. Yes, I like receiving a paycheck, but that is not the reason I blog. I love to write, and I find fulfillment in helping others to navigate the murky waters that I have traveled in the past.

The bottom line is that you only live your life once, and you should spend that time living your life in a way that is fulfilling for yourself as well as for your family. Sometimes it can be hard to find a balance, but I encourage everyone to find a way to live your life in a way that brings you peace.

Related Topics:

• The Price of Motherhood


• Adoptive Parenting: Remaining Successful with an Outside Job