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My son, who is seven years old, has been asking for a baby sister lately. For the most part, he has seemed to be happy as an only child. I make a lot of effort to provide him with play dates and social activities so that he has many opportunities to interact with other children. However, most of his friends have siblings, and I guess it is only natural for him to desire a sibling as well. Also, during the holidays, he got to spend a lot of time with his cousins, which kind of felt like having siblings, and then went back to being the only child in the house.
If we had been able to conceive, hub and I would have had a second child. We tried to adopt a second child, but we chose to stop at one after the process took such a long time. At the rate it was moving along, the children would have been at least four years apart and very likely even more than that, which felt more like raising two “only children” than siblings. So, for better or for worse, we have a family of three.
I remind myself as well as hub that we do have the option of adopting another child. I really do not want to do the newborn thing again, and we do not have to if we choose to adopt a second time. However, I have read too many stories on Nancy’s Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) blog to take adopting an older child lightly. Also, I am still knee deep in trying to work through my son’s issues with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, so I am definitely not looking to take on a second child with any sort of behavioral issue at this time.
I am still open to adopting a second child when my son is older. I would only want to adopt a child younger than my son so he could be the “alpha kid.” However, I am not eager to do the preschool years over, either. I think that parents have strengths and weaknesses that make different ages seem easier, and my strengths are definitely not in the younger years. I do better when a child is old enough to understand and use some form of logic, even if it is immature logic.
When it comes down to it, I do not believe that my son’s desire for a sibling is a good enough reason to adopt another child. We could wind up adopting a child who does not even get along with him, and then none of the four of us would be happy. Hub and I need to want to parent a second child and, right now, neither of us are feeling the overwhelming urge to do so. So, I guess my son is going to have to find a way to work through his wishes, and I will keep trying to meet his needs in other ways.
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Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
we have something similar going on here! My youngest desperately wants someone his age to play with, and asks for a baby sister all the time! The oldest too would like a sibling closer to his age, and while dh and I would like to have another child we are at a stand still when it comes to how we should go about that, if at all.
I’m pretty sure my son would offer up his sister!
LOL!!
- Faith
Workers have told me that adopting to provide a mate to an existing child was at the top of the list of really poor reasons to adopt. Compatability, sharing attention, basic personalities, and special needs are just a few of the things that have to mesh to make this come off. My five see each other as brothers, but only the last two are close. Faith, if you find a source of supply for undamaged kids from the system. please share it with the rest of us. John